Posts By Author » Amy Alkon

I Get A Kickball Out Of You
23 May 2012 12:02 am

My boyfriend of three months is 22, and so am I. He tells me he loves me but is horrible about returning texts and calls and following through with dates. (He seems to ditch me if something better comes along.) He also doesn’t treat me very well around others. Recently, he got really drunk at a party and was hitting on my friend all night, though she ignored him. I finally pulled him aside and said he was hurting my feelings, and he said I was too sensitive and I’m …

Mused And Abused
16 May 2012 12:02 am

After my girlfriend and I split up, I wrote a creative nonfiction piece about our breakup (changing some identifying details). I published it on a popular blog and linked to it on Facebook. We’re back together, and things are great; however, she saw the story and was humiliated. I explained that what I wrote was beautiful and vulnerable and true, and many people were moved by it. She really wasn’t down with that and told me to consider her off-limits in my writing. This seems unfair. I write nonfiction. What …

Baby Makes Flee
9 May 2012 12:02 am

When I married five years ago, I was on the fence about having kids. I thought some parental gene might kick in, but it never did. Now, at 40, I’ve accepted that a childless marriage is best for us, given my wife’s fertility issues and my ambivalence about parenthood. My wife, however, sees no purpose to life without children. It upsets her to see me happy without kids while she pines for them. She is also upset that I won’t try all possible alternatives, such as adoption and fertility treatments, …

Vulture Capital
2 May 2012 12:01 am

This woman and I have been friends for a year. She’s a free spirit of sorts with zero boundaries. In the time I’ve known her, she’s been married and divorced and then engaged, and now that has ended. She always has another man on the side. (She did even when married and engaged.) She frequently mentions my husband — how he likes animated films and so does she (they’re not my thing) and offers to accompany him to them. She always gives him a big hug hello, even when I’m …

Inner Booty
25 Apr 2012 12:02 am

In your answer to “Dismayed,” the 32-year-old woman with a Ph.D. who was unimpressed by the men she was meeting, I was struck by how cold and calculating it all sounds: Women evolved to marry money and power; men look for eye candy to parade around on their arms. As a man who doesn’t bring money or power to the table, what do I have to give up? Why can’t you just fall in love like you got hit by a ton of bricks and have that be enough? — …

Carpy Diem
18 Apr 2012 12:02 am

My boyfriend and I are college juniors, happily together 10 months and living together for five. An article I read said it’s healthy to argue with your partner, and I got a little worried. We sometimes bicker about what to watch on TV, but one of us quickly gives in, and that’s it. It does bug me that he’s chronically late and his car is filled with dirty cups, random CDs, empty wrappers, etc., but I basically just shrug this stuff off. He seems to do likewise with stuff I …

You Lite Up My Life
11 Apr 2012 12:02 am

This man I’ve been dating didn’t want anything serious. I don’t either. I explained that I just wanted to hang out and have fun. We were going out several times a week, sleeping together at least once a week. Suddenly, he freaked, worrying I’d get attached. I reinforced that I absolutely don’t want anything serious, but he seemed unconvinced. He went away on business and called the day he returned, and we hung out and slept together. The next day, he said we needed to slow things down because he …

Manure And Wife
4 Apr 2012 12:02 am

My fiancee insists on having our wedding at “THE most magical place to get married,” this beautiful lake resort. Her family’s well-off, but having it there creates a financial hardship for my relatives and our friends, who are working crappy jobs in a terrible economy. Our guests mostly live in our hometown, and the lake is a four-hour drive each way, and there are no affordable places to stay. I’ve suggested that we have the wedding in this beautiful space on my uncle’s farm, just outside of town, but my …

Bodies At Rust
28 Mar 2012 12:02 am

I’m a recently divorced 40-something woman, now dating again, and I’m wondering what the guidelines are on how long to wait to have sex. I’m not interested in casual sex, but I have a healthy libido. If I’m really attracted to a man, I’ll be dealing with some powerful mixed (internal) signals regarding how long to wait. Really what I want is to have sex with a man I like as soon as reasonably possible without getting labeled by him (consciously or subconsciously) as an expendable floozy. — Hotblooded
Tempting as …

Lard Of The Dance
21 Mar 2012 12:02 am

When I got married, I was a slim 6’2″, but I’ve gained a lot of weight. My wife gained about 20 pounds but recently lost that and more. I’ve been as high as 265, but I’m now at 238 and losing about a pound a week, which isn’t fast enough for my wife. When I contemplate going on a stricter diet, what comes to mind is feeling angry, tired, and hungry at my high-stress job. My wife said that I obviously love food more than her, and that if I …

The Spinster Cycle
14 Mar 2012 12:02 am

I’m a 32-year-old woman with a Ph.D. I’m beyond happy with my career path, but I’m not meeting men I’m impressed with or inspired to see again. A girlfriend sent me a New York Times op-ed by a historian named Stephanie Coontz, who said that highly educated women can find a man if they drop “the cultural ideal of hypergamy — that women must marry up.” Coontz advises women to “reject the idea that the ideal man is taller, richer, more knowledgeable, more renowned or more powerful.” She claims a …

Have A Peasant Day
7 Mar 2012 12:01 am

Your answer to “Roseless,” the woman bemoaning her boyfriend’s lack of “romantic ambition,” hit a nerve with me. My wife of 19 years and I shared equally in raising our three children. She only sort of “works” now, but I do the home chores and all the cooking — while running a very stressful business that keeps her shopping habit afloat. She can buy all the expensive shoes she wants; however, like Roseless, she complains that I don’t buy her flowers…enough. I don’t write cute Post-it notes. When I have …

Looking For The Gaia Next Door
29 Feb 2012 12:02 am

I’m an Occupy girl, age 45, into eco-shamanism and planetary consciousness stuff. I’ve mostly dated engineers with a playful side who initially seemed open to my interests but quickly became resentful of them. My boyfriend of two years is different — easygoing and willing to expand his horizons. He actually reads the articles I post on Facebook and discusses them with me. We laugh effortlessly and are very giving to each other, but I can’t shake the feeling that I should look for somebody more my type (more artistically, politically, …

Some Unenchanted Evenings
22 Feb 2012 12:02 am

My boyfriend lacks romantic ambition. In our two years together, we’ve never gone out to dinner someplace I can wear a dress and heels, and he never brings me flowers or does anything for our anniversary or Valentine’s Day. I’ve suggested he pick out lingerie he’d like to see me in and shown him how to set a romantic mood in our apartment. I’ve told him things like “Nothing makes me happier than fresh flowers, especially lilies,” and tried flat-out asking him why he never brings me flowers. He said, …

Shove Thy Neighbor
8 Feb 2012 12:02 am

My commitment-phobic boyfriend of several years is also my neighbor. I resolved to make it work with him and then caught him on FriendFinder exchanging numerous messages with some woman in Tijuana. He claimed he was just being friendly. I asked if he’d correspond with a guy. He responded, “No. I’m not gay.” Humiliatingly, I’ve let him use me for things he can’t afford. (He’s been unemployed for two years.) He sometimes showers at his tiny apartment but basically uses it for storage. He refuses to move in with me …

Dim And Her
8 Feb 2012 12:02 am

I’m having a whirlwind romance with a man I met online on Thanksgiving. I moved across the country to live with him on December 20, and we’re now building a life together. The problem is I have a high IQ (137), and he’s very unintelligent and illogical. It’s hard to have a good conversation unless we talk about sex. It’s too late to leave now, so … any advice on how to keep our IQ difference from ripping us apart when things are less new and exciting? I really love …

Code Goo
1 Feb 2012 12:01 am

I’m a 33-year-old nurse in a five-month “friends with benefits” thing with a doctor co-worker. I am only 18 months out of an abusive 10-year relationship and wanted something fun and light. We get along well, but he rarely asks me ahead of time about getting together. I know he has a busy schedule, but this bothers me. He will do anything I ask (give me a ride, buy me a coffee if I work late) but doesn’t make kind gestures without being asked and doesn’t talk about his feelings …

Witchful Thinking
25 Jan 2012 12:02 am

I’m a retired pastor in my 50s. A nearby church wanted my help with their Christmas musical, and I asked my wife of five years, who played bass at my church, to join me. She became angry at this suggestion and said I should do my own thing on Christmas and she’d do hers. She then announced that she’d be spending Christmas Eve with her (single, lonely) ex-boyfriend, staying the night at his place and hiking with him on Christmas Day. I was taken aback. I said this had the …

I Smell A Rut
18 Jan 2012 12:02 am

I just got dumped by a guy who swore he was ready to settle down (after years of serial monogamy). His relationship history reminded me of the man you wrote about recently who had been married and divorced five times and was on relationship number six. Woman number six wrote you, “He’s in his 50s; his marriage-hopping has to stop.” Obviously, she’s fooling herself, but what’s his deal? What’s anyone’s who gets married over and over? — Morbidly Curious
Some model their marriage on their parents’ and some on their parents’ …

Brief-Stricken
11 Jan 2012 12:02 am

A divorced male friend and I recently became “friends with benefits.” However, I’m not receiving the same, uh, level of benefits as he is. He isn’t giving me orgasms from intercourse, and his pleasuring of me is measured in seconds rather than minutes, despite my telling him that this is a problem. (I haven’t felt this pressure before: “You’ve got 60 seconds to orgasm!”) He also keeps reminding me that he doesn’t want any kind of commitment. I get that, and I keep telling him so, but he’s persisted with …

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