Crazy for You: How to Politely Tell Him You’re Not Interested


by: Anna Maria Hoffman

Nowadays, it seems like there are two types of young men who exist in our dating culture: young men who hesitate to pursue young women they want to be with and young men who think they have struck gold when they haven’t. The latter type are young men who are too forward and persistent, yet are blinded by the reality that the young women they are trying to court are actually not interested in them.

Ladies, I think we can all relate to this type of situation, in which a young man won’t stop asking you out to dinner and mistakes your friendliness to mean you are interested in him too. Sometimes, these types of situations can also unfortunately stoop to a disrespectful, abusive level, in which the young man is so infatuated with you that he acts like a boyfriend immediately. He forces you to hold hands with him, he won’t stop hugging you in a romantic way, and he tries to plant a kiss on your cheek, or something more serious. It’s the nightmare we all fear, and I hope none of you ladies have had the misfortune of being trapped in such an unpleasant situation.

So you’re probably wondering, what should I do if I am stuck in this situation? Politely and bluntly: tell him you’re not interested. Men truly appreciate when women are honest and upfront with them, because men prefer simple, direct communication. Don’t just tell your overly persistent male friend or acquaintance that “You’re busy” or “I’ll let you know later,” unless if the feeling is mutual, of course. Why? He will assume right off the bat that you are just playing hard to get, when, in reality, you know deep in your heart that nothing beyond friendship would ever be possible.: 

Also, if you respond with either of those two expressions, you will lead him on and give him the false impression that you are also interested in him. Ladies, it is tempting to respond with one of those expressions, because you might fear upsetting the guy or fear he will: make life worse for you if you tell him “no.” However, those reactions are unlikely to occur, unless if he is struggling with some severe emotional problems.: Remember, being blunt, yet polite, will help you overcome this type of situation. You don’t deserve to be trapped in a situation where the guy is happy but you are miserable.: However, if you politely tell the guy “no,” but he still persists and the situation becomes abusive (verbal or physical), cut off all communication with him. Block his phone number, remove him from your social media outlets, and distance yourself away from him faster than you can say Timbuktu. You are only protecting yourself, your health and safety, by doing this.

Also, if you’re a young man reading this and find yourself pursuing a young woman who is not interested in you, here’s my advice: please respect her wishes to not go on a date with you. No matter how persistent you are, she will still not be interested in you. Respect her wishes and move on.: Although women do appreciate men who know how to lead and make the initiative, women dislike it when men, who they are not interested in, are overly persistent and do not respect their true sentiments. Just because one woman is not interested in you doesn’t mean a woman will never be interested in you. Truly, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Ladies, remember this: always be direct and honest with guys you are not interested in who are pursuing you. As they say, honesty is the best policy. You do not deserve to be trapped in a situation where a guy you are not interested in won’t stop showering you with flirty comments and doesn’t realize that his unnecessary chase will only spoil his spirits. Your wishes deserve to be respected immensely.

Also, if you are on good terms with him, don’t burn bridges by ending your friendship with him. A good friendship shouldn’t be spoiled if more than friendship is not a possibility between the two of you. In addition, if you want to avoid getting trapped in more situations like this, be conscientious of how you communicate with young men. Being overly friendly with a guy you have no interest in can most likely mislead him into thinking you are interested in him. Also, the same goes with playful teasing. However, keep in mind that you don’t need to dramatically change who you are to avoid these types of situations. Just be conscientious of what kinds of signals you might be sending to young men around you.

Gentlemen, remember this. Just because a woman is nice and friendly to you does not necessarily mean she is also interested in being more than friends. Get to know women you are interested in before you make a move, because any woman I know will tell you that being approached for a dinner date after knowing each other for one week is off putting. Also, if a woman respectfully tells you that she’s not interested, appreciate her honesty. If she wants to remain friends with you, remain friends with her. She can help you with future situations as a supportive friend or might even introduce you to a woman who will be interested in you too. You never know.

This blog post was originally published on: Counter Cultured’s “Lady’s Nook”: column.: 


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