Levi Johnson Reaches Pinnacle of His Career
Now that Bristol Palin has taken the upper hand with mediocre ballroom dancing (you know she’s mediocre, okay? If you’re a fan of Dancing With the Stars, you know it), Levi Johnston clearly feels he needs to reach new plateaus in his burgeoning fall from fame. This would, of course, explain why he is making a somewhat pornographic music video with an artist I – and the world – have never heard of, but looks spectacularly like a post-plastic surgery Real Housewife of New Jersey.
The video, which is set to Brittani Senser‘s tuneless slow jam “After Love,” shows a pretty young couple (Senser and Johnston) being torn asunder by Senser’s stern mother, who repeatedly hits her daughter in the face to express her displeasure with Johnston. Before the music starts, she also voices her disaproval to Senser, saying, “You need to end it now. You understand me?” The statement is punctuated by a slap. At least the woman’s not also wearing glasses, a red power suit, and an updo.
For his part, Johnston spends much of the video sensually caressing Senser. (So much for “more involved” acting.) Near the end of the song, his character is pulled over by a police officer, apparently at the behest of Senser’s meddling mother.
I’ll spare you the video. You can watch it at Mediaite if you’re masochistic or you swallow poison and need an expectorant and Ipecac just isn’t handy. Also, the metaphor is somewhat gratuitous, and I wouldn’t want Levi to define himself solely on how he fits in relation to Sarah Palin. That’s simply not fair to whatever reality show aspirations she has. Although, I think this would be an adequate, if not supremely successful visual aid Bristol can use in her abstinence talks. No one will ever want to make a baby once’ they’ve viewed this trainwreck.
The good news is, if we’ve learned anything from the Kardashians, it’s that a sex tape will get you only so far in the world of not being famous. If he can’t get an endorsement deal with a questionable diet method, develop a drug habit or attract a high profile Twitter follower to spar with over social media, he’s on a downward spiral into obscurity. I mean, at this point, he’s not even Kevin Federline.
ALSO: Apparently, Levi was just Bristol’s gateway douchebag. Who called this one? Yeah, that’s right. Me. Because if there’s anything the Palin family desperately needs, it’s to be associated with Jersey Shore. Somehow, it does make perfect sense, though
E. M. Zanotti