Sinead Can’t Get Laid?

Sinead O’Connor, who’s as famous for her shaved head as her voice, now has hair — and in other news, she kind of looks like Velma from Scooby Doo. She’s also apparently having problems getting laid.

In a blog entry titled, “IS SINEAD ABOUT TO HUMP HER TRUCK?” O’connor worries that she’s “so desperate for sex” that she might do something drastic.

“My sh-uation sexually/affectionately speaking is so dire that inanimate objects are starting to look good as are inappropriate and/or unavailable men and/or inappropriate and/or unavailable fruits and vegetables. I tell you yams are looking like the winners,” she writes.

“Needless to say what I do for a living makes it hard for me to find men that only want me cuz they like my (legendary) arse. Yet I am in the peak of my sexual prime and way too lovely to be living like a nun. and it’s VERY depressing.”

So to avoid the temptation of vegetables or automobiles, O’Connor has taken to her blog and twitter to try to find a suitable mate.

There’s a lot to talk about there. First off, what woman in her right mind writes about wanting strangers to hump her on her blog? And don’t even get me started on the yam thing. There’s actually much more at Sinead’s blog and if you enjoy seeing women have sex themed mental breakdowns in public, head on over; you may enjoy it.

That being said, this touches on a pet peeve of mine. You see, I have a lot of female friends and some of them do occasionally tell me privately that they’re having trouble getting laid.

Can we just be perfectly honest here?

Ladies, let me tell you something. No man alive feels the slightest twinge of sympathy for you when you say that you can’t get laid.

Do you know why?

Because when a man says he can’t get laid, he means he can’t get any woman to sleep with him. Incidentally, “any woman” may very well include a dimwitted, snaggle-toothed half-troll whom he MIGHT, if he’s desperate enough, go home with. But, he’s sure as hell not going to suffer through three dates, pretend to be interested in her blathering, and then endure the sting of his conscience and the hurt, emotional disappointment after he has sex with her and then dumps her.

That’s what a man generally means when he says he can’t get laid.

What a woman means when she says she can’t get laid is that she can’t get an investment banker with a Porsche, who looks like Brad Pitt’s cousin, to drive up to her house out of the blue and seduce her using the sort of romantic schmaltz you see in The Notebook.

In all seriousness, there are few things easier than getting single men to have sex with a willing woman. It gets even easier if you’re Sinead O’Connor because there’s a certain “cool factor” to saying you slept with a celebrity — even if it’s a D-list celebrity.

So, ladies, learn from Sinead’s mistake — no man ever wants to hear how tough it is for you to get laid.

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