She Is the Very Leader of the Democrat Minority

With apologies to W.S. Gilbert and “The Pirates of Penzance.”

debra saunders 2

I am the very leader of the Democrat minority.
I used to rule the House, but then I blew the D’s majority.
I pass a bill so I can read what’s written deep inside of it.
Though November felt like Waterloo, it won’t come off my hide a bit.
I paid my dues in 2010. My gavel’s now in Boehner’s paws,
And what is left to see me through — except the LA Times’ applause?
But still I have to guard us all from evil and the GOP.
I’m here to save the planet (plus the perks God gave to me).
I need to show the left I hold ideologic purity
And somehow also hide that fact in media obscurity.
I used to rule the House, but then I blew the D’s majority.
I am the very leader of the Democrat minority.
On punishment most capital, a Catholic like me must object.
On matters reproductive, though, that knee-jerk doctrine I reject.
So, too, on matters sexual, transgender or confessional.
I beg for new indulgences — my due as a professional.
On immigration, I recall that Jesus was a refugee.
But churches wanting conscience clauses are fanatics dead to me.
I speak wide-eyed and hushy-toned to demonstrate humility,
Even though I do believe in my infallibility.
I fought for my dear Julia and slew copayments for Plan B.
I do not rue the centrists lost, since no one’s to the left of me.
I used to rule the House, but then I blew the D’s majority.
I am the very leader of the Democrat minority.
I know the head of Syria. Damascus is the road to peace.
Does ISIS know I scarf my head when visiting the Middle East?
For U.S. troops, I must now ban appointments so Samarrian.
Hamas, my pals in Qatar say, is most humanitarian.
On matters interrogatory, waterboards were torturous.
“Not who we are,” I sing along with all Barack Obama’s chorus.
I keep my hands and skirts so clean, since drones have such a fine mystique.
And no one can accuse Barack of needing any harsh technique.
The CIA never briefed me on its ways to get intelligence.
Except it did, but I expected torture methods with more elegance.
I used to rule the House, but then I blew the D’s majority.
I am the very leader of the Democrat minority.

Email Debra J. Saunders at [email protected].

Also see,

Spy vs. DiFi

 

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