Boob Theory


“Ve are liffing in Amerika – Coca Cola – Voonderbra”

Last years “Boob Quake” – psychically predicted by the highest levels of gay free Persia’s Preacher Command – Hojatoleslam Kazim Sadeghi (Ho what?!) claimed hoochies, hotties and hoes “don’t dress appropriately” and spread the hot sticky lust “when promiscuity spreads, earthquakes increase.”

Oh snap! Say it ain’t so!

Only, it WAS so!

“The pro-scantily-clad lobby of womanity declared today Boobquake, a day to flout and disprove the cleric by baring your boobs.

“And then a 6.9-magnitude earthquake occurred in Taiwan!”

Sweet! Let’s start worshipping the power of immodesty, immediately and without, uh, restraint.

“From the Dawn of Time, boobs have been shaping history – destroying careers, crippling world powers. Many men have been nearly destroyed by these orbs of power” (Don’t open that link at work! Shout out to Starbuck)

A commonly accepted hypothesis is that the bigger the boobs – the dumber the girl is. Actually this is quite incorrect (as best determined boobs have an effective range not unlike the M203 grenade launcher).

The bigger the boobs – the dumber the guys are.

Pic by Tugpicturesdotcom

Courtney Messerschmidt

Courtney Messerschmidt

A junior studying journalism, military history and political science, Courtney was named one of 2010's "20 Hottest Women in New Media." She also created the infamous diplomatic, military and intelligence analysis site Great Satan's Girlfriend. Her expertise includes interventions, COIN, strategic uses of American power, global democracy promotion, authoritarian marginalization, gender apartheid, international relations theory and terrorism.


Tags assigned to this article:
Boob QuakeBoob TheoryBoobsTaylor Momsen

Related Articles

21

Superfluous Generals

Rodina Mat’ Zovyot! As a really girthy nation/state (ain’t none bigger bay bee!) Commonwealth Russia spans like a bunch of

1

Sen. Ted Cruz: We Need Our Grassroots Army to Take Down Obamacare

Senator Ted Cruz (R, TX) has not backed off from his drive to destroy the President’s disastrous take over of

7

Diesel’s Ad Campaign to Teens: “Show Us Your Boobs”

It seems that: advertising executives now think it’s totally cool to include teens in that whole “sex sells” marketing tool. Diesel