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Hitchens Says Sports Suck… And I Agree
Written By : Warner Todd Huston

Well, Christopher Hitchens has finally written something with which I can whole heartedly sign on. In his latest Newsweek piece Hitchens decries the sham that is sports — especially international soccer tournies. He slams the supposed benefits of sports and rightly pinpoints the singular truth that sports brings out the worst in everyone.

Hitchens eviscerates the lie that sports “brings people together,” lays low the lie that sports is good in schools, and obliterates the idiotic babble that sports are in any way filled with good role models — or that they even could present good role models.

I loved this delicious paragraph, delivered after delineating the “shock” that one sports dolt had when another dissed him:

On the contrary, Mr. Rossi, what we are seeing is the very essence of sportsmanship. Whether it’s the exacerbation of national rivalries that you want—as in Africa this year—or the exhibition of the most depressing traits of the human personality (guns in locker rooms, golf clubs wielded in the home, dogs maimed and tortured at stars’ homes to make them fight, dope and steroids everywhere), you need only look to the wide world of sports for the most rank and vivid examples. As George Orwell wrote in his 1945 essay “The Sporting Spirit,” after yet another outbreak of combined mayhem and chauvinism on the international soccer field, “sport is an unfailing cause of ill-will.”

I’ve said it myself a hundred times. Sports teaches nothing worth while. It teaches selfishness, it teaches that only “the star” counts for anything, and in schools the money wasted on sports benefits only the few halfwits running around in short pants on a grassy field of one sort or another. All that money wasted on sports in schools goes for the tiniest number of students and offers no benefits whatsoever to the 99% of the school body not involved in sports.

And the stupidity of the Olympics is the worst offense in all of sports. Billions of dollars wasted to NO good effect. Hitchens quotes the aforementioned Orwell on the point.

I am always amazed when I hear people saying that sport creates goodwill between the nations, and that if only the common peoples of the world could meet one another at football or cricket, they would have no inclination to meet on the battlefield. Even if one didn’t know from concrete examples (the 1936 Olympic Games, for instance) that international sporting contests lead to orgies of hatred, one could deduce it from general principles.

Hear, hear.

And as if sports didn’t degrade our nation, our very lives any worse than they already do, we had the misfortune of getting Keith Olbermann out of them. If that isn’t an indictment against sports, nothing is.

Oh, I know that my outright hostility to the brainless effort that is sports is most certainly the minority view. But that does not make me wrong. Only smarter then the rest of ya! Seriously, though, Hitchens is laser accurate with his evisceration of sports. The saddest thing of all is the fact that so many otherwise logical, sensible people have allowed the lowest expressions of society to influence them to jettison intellectual pursuits for the garbage which is sports. So sad to see an adult American male, or any other nationality for that matter, that could be using his brain for something useful stuffing his mind full of pointless, boring, and utterly irrelevant sports statistics. It is galling that such attention is wasted on this falderal.

And lastly I want to leave with this: every time I attack the foolishness that is sports, some steroid addled, meat-for-brains, sports lover will always offer the same brainless, uninformed taunt. “You were just never good enough to play sports and you’re just jealous,” they will blather. I love how this brain-dead taunt comes up every single time. So, to disabuse you knuckledragging, muscle heads — and all your over weight, balding, wish-you-weres that sit on your couch stuffing your faces every game day as you act like a ten-year-old when “we” get a homerun or a touchdown… “we” as if YOU had anything to do with it — I played all sorts of sports as a child and teen. Like every set of American parents in the 1960s and 70s, mine carted me out to one team after another for years. In fact, I generally enjoyed the games (except baseball which I hated) and was even on a few championship teams. So, no you Neanderthals, I was not unable to play the game as a kid.

Fortunately, just like Hitchens I’ve smartened up as an adult and seen through the sham that is sports. So, hooray for Christopher Hitchens. He’s at last hit upon the God’s honest truth (OK, the God crack was a slap in the midst of my praise at Hitchens the atheist, but… you know). Sports are useless, dangerous, pointless and should be eliminated from our lives.

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  • Hawc18

    Not to jump to the defense of sports as a whole, as for the most part I agree with the sentiments of the article, but sports does teach a few lessons that every young person needs to learn. Somestimes no matter how hard you try, you fail, is a lesson not taught to nearly enough people as they are growing up. Sometimes, you don’t get the fairytale ending, the underdog gets stomped by the star team, and there is just not a lot you can do about it.
    My point is, sports teach most of us that no matter how much we want something, we won’t always get it. That’s not a bad lesson in my opinion.

    (steps off soapbox)

  • http://www.publiusforum.com Warner Todd Huston

    Well, maybe that is a lesson it teaches. However, it is not one that only sports can teach. All of life teaches that, so sports is in no way necessary to learn that lesson.

  • Pingback: Hitchens Says Sports Suck… And I Agree | Right Wing News | All Topics Blog

  • President_Friedman

    Sporting events, both participating in them and observing them, placate the tribal savage that resides in all men. You want peace in the Middle East? Give those guys football teams to root for.

    Now, if you want to take all those same arguments and apply them towards golf alone, I’m with you.

  • http://www.publiusforum.com Warner Todd Huston

    P.Friedman: LOL. Many say that golf is not a sport. They say the same thing about racing and just about anything from the Olympics! Yeah, I know all the sports geeks out there will hate me for this one. But, so what? Everyone has at least ONE idea no one agrees with, right??

  • http://www.superdickery.com mightysamurai

    Sporting events, both participating in them and observing them, placate the tribal savage that resides in all men.

    Not really. Mostly it just replaces one type of conflict with another, though that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Sports may attract all kinds of corruption, abuse, violence, and etc., but it’s still less destructive than open warfare.

  • Bildo

    Warner, I think you’re completely wrong.

    Sports teaches people how to win (and that’s a good thing). Sports teaches you how to work with teammates, many of whom you may not agree with. Sports teaches physical fitness. Sports teaches you to get off your ass when you’ve been knocked down.

    Sports can also teach you how to lose, graciously. How to work harder, even though your team doesn’t stand a chance. To never give up, no matter the odds.

    The things Hitchens listed that are the “the most depressing traits of the human personality(guns in locker rooms, golf clubs wielded in the home, dogs maimed and tortured at stars’ homes to make them fight, dope and steroids everywhere)” are far more prevalent outside of sports than within. A single case of dog fighting, a handful of firearms violations, and a golfer that committed adultery? Really?

    I wonder how often those things occur among medium sized rural church congregation…

    “Sports are useless, dangerous, pointless and should be eliminated from our lives.”

    Sounds just like something Oprah would say about guns.

  • http://www.publiusforum.com Warner Todd Huston

    Sorry, Bilbo, but “sports” does not teach any of those things to the point of exclusivity. Those lessons you talk about (good ones) are not taught only by sports and can and should be taught by other means. As to you Oprah jab, off topic and pointless.

  • http://www.superdickery.com mightysamurai

    Sports teaches people how to win (and that’s a good thing). Sports teaches you how to work with teammates, many of whom you may not agree with. Sports teaches physical fitness. Sports teaches you to get off your ass when you’ve been knocked down.

    Sports can also teach you how to lose, graciously. How to work harder, even though your team doesn’t stand a chance. To never give up, no matter the odds.

    In theory, perhaps. But the way sports are conducted these days seems…less than conducive to those goals. Particularly at the high school level.

  • Bildo

    No, on topic as the argument is the same. You don’t like sports so that should be a good enough reason to abolish them. Trying to ignore the statement doesn’t mean the comparison isn’t appropriate.

    You say that sports teaches selfishness. No, humans are selfish by nature. Our economies are built on it. Sports teaches teamwork, not selfishness. It teaches internal drive, something I think is dearly lacking among a large number of our population.

    West Point expects a background that includes athletics as part of their admissions requirements. The military figured out long ago that the ability to physically push yourself, and not rely on others to push you, is as important as any mental calculation.

    You stated that sports degrades our nation, but you certainly didn’t explain in what way.

    “…that could be using his brain for something useful stuffing his mind full of pointless, boring, and utterly irrelevant sports statistics.”

    As opposed to pointless, boring, and utterly irrelevant political statistics? A person’s interest is his own.

    For the record, I was not active in sports past Jr High. It was my loss though.

    I think the reason that people accuse you of being jealous is because you seem so bitter about it. I’ve read a lot of your columns here, and none seem so hate-filled as this one.

  • D-Vega

    While I think you are being a little hard on sports here, people are certainly more obsessed with sports than they should be.

    I enjoy sports, but not to the degree that a lot of other people do. We admire athletes more than we admire people with great minds.

    Enjoy a football game with your kids. But when you are taking out a HELOC so you can attend the Superbowl, your priorities are screwed.

  • Crimsonfella

    Well I must say Roll Tide! I love me some college football.I’ll watch most any college football game that comes on.

  • Crimsonfella

    I guess we’ll just have a agree to disagree. I have been a fan of the Alabama Crimson Tide for along time and I just don’t see it changing. I like other sports too though.I have to admit though that I am starting to worry that liberalism is trying its best to weaken sports.I worry that sports will be ruined with this idea that liberals have that nobody really loses and that every team should get a reward whether or not they win or lose cause it hurts feelings to lose a game.

  • http://conservativebootcamp.com martinhale

    OK, maybe I’m just being thick about it, but I don’t get your point at all here. You’re saying that because sports are riddled with all the faults and imperfections that our innate humanity brings to all human endeavours, they should be singled out for some kind of mass deletion from society? Couldn’t you make most of the same negative criticisms about the movie industry, the teevee medium sector, the publication of most magazines, even politics, the various churches and the educational system? Why aren’t you calling for their removal from the palette of social activities and interests available to modern people, too?

    Let’s be perfectly honest here – sport has only taken on it’s current place in modern society because of the rise of leisure time. Prior to the 40-hour workweek and prior to the mechanisation of most manual labour, sports were an insignificant element of society, as were many, many other entertainments. Maybe the guys went out and pitched horseshoes after a day in the tannery, fields, or smithy shop, but it wasn’t the highlight of the day. It was an afterthought which took your mind off of the 10 – 12 hours you just spent over a simmering vat of tanning acids, or endless rows of corn, or a roaring bed of glowing coals. Don’t believe me? Take a look at those parts of the world where life is still pretty much at a subsistence level and report back how important sport is in those areas. It’s there, it’s just not all that important.

    Just so I’m not misunderstood, it’s not my intention to laud or glorify sports. They are what they are. Rather, I’m trying to point out that there’s little fundamental difference between the ‘social evilness quotient’ of sports and that of the movies, or of teevee, or of church or politics or any other human endeavour. It’s my personal belief that the faults and imperfections you see in organised sport are to be found in every human organisation and every human endeavour – every last one of them. Why would you expect that sport would be somehow magically exempt from those same imperfections? That doesn’t make any sense to me, whatsoever.

    I’m left wondering, after reading both your piece and the source piece, if you fellows really think that you’ll improve society by stamping out sports. Really? Are you all going to crusade as hard to stamp out the glorification of evil and negativity that is Hollywood? Do you propose that we cut out all the leisure time recreations and entertainments available to people? In favour of what? What do you propose replace them as an interest in people’s lives?

    I’m not a big sports fan myself. I watch some footy now and again, but in general, I’m too busy with other pursuits to spend a lot of time watching or playing sports. But I don’t think that sports should be offered up as a singular sacrifice to some misplaced sense of morality without the same analysis being done about each and every component of our society – even in spite of today being the “big day” of the “big game” glorifying the “big evil” of sports.

  • Pingback: “Hitchens Says Sports Suck… And I Agree” | NewsReal Blog

  • smelvertising

    D-Vega

    Boo!

  • http://blog.bullmoosestrikesback.com Bull_Moose

    Aww, did someone not make the team in high school? OK, cheap shot, but I tend to hear these arguments from the nonathletic.

    I benefited a great deal from participating in sports at all levels of school. Exercise, teamwork, learning to win, learning to lose. Sure I was taught those things elsewhere in life, but why deny any chance to learn them.

    I derive a great deal of pleasure from watching pro and college sports now. It helps me wind down after working all week.

    And I derive great benefit from participating in sports now (at the ripe old age of 35). After sitting on my butt in an office or courtroom for 10 or 12 hours a day, getting the juices flowing playing a sport or training for a race is invaluable.

    I don’t get the hate here.

  • http://blog.bullmoosestrikesback.com Bull_Moose

    (And yes, I did read the second-to-last paragraph where you said you played sports. You did not, however, say you played them well.)

  • Pingback: On air: Is sport a great healer? « BBC World Have Your Say

  • zgystardst

    When Jordan returned to the Bulls, I really heard a radio announcer say something very close to this: “Christians have been waiting almost 2000 years for the return of their redeemer. Bulls fans only had to wait x months.” My jaw dropped when I heard such an impossibly pompous statement.

    And at that time also I heard someone praise Jordan for loyalty–for returning to the Bulls, I guess, not going to some other team. If that’s so, it seems to me that the players who did not leave the Bulls at all deserve even more praise. But no.

    Sports is given far more importance than its actual benefits to society merit. For the non-player, sports is merely a form of entertainment and should be given no more importance than any form of entertainment deserves.

    Pro sports is mainly beneficial to the owners and the TV networks.

    Sports also teaches the following:

    1. If the ref didn’t see the foul, it didn’t happen. So if you foul someone, make sure the ref can’t see it.

    2. It’s okay for the player to argue viciously with the ref/ump even though the ref/ump NEVER changes a decision.

    3. It’s okay for the spectators to rag on the players in the most persistent, personal, vicious way they can get away with.

    4. Dirty tricks like surreptitiously putting a trace of Ben-Gay on the face of an opposing player are okay.

    And finally, sports teaches that it’s okay to use ad hominem attacks on critics of sports.

  • http://blog.bullmoosestrikesback.com Bull_Moose

    “And finally, sports teaches that it’s okay to use ad hominem attacks on critics of sports.”
    Posted by zgystardst

    From the OP:
    “every time I attack the foolishness that is sports, some steroid addled, meat-for-brains, sports lover will always offer the same brainless, uninformed taunt…”
    “So, to disabuse you knuckledragging, muscle heads — and all your over weight, balding, wish-you-weres that sit on your couch stuffing your faces every game day…”

    So is it OK for critics of sports to use ad hominem attacks and then complain about being the target of ad hominem attacks?

  • libliever

    I don’t think all sports are pointless.
    Take the biathalon; didn’t those crazy scandinavian folks give those nazis a run for the money by shooting them and then skiing off.
    It’s one of my favorite events in the olympics.

    And there is nothing like a beautiful sunny day and a game of baseball.
    Sorry, you can’t beat that feeling.
    My old man use to say that sports is the opiate of the masses keeping folks from thinking about the important issues of the day.
    Well, everyone needs a break from reality and that’s what sports does.
    Just go ask any Saint’s fan.

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