Should Men Pay On The First Date?

……And THAT’S Why You’re Single is a New York dating blog that gets semi-regular links on Linkiest. The author of the blog, Christan Marashio, has a very different opinion than I do about paying for the first date. Here’s Christan on the topic,

(M)any women are letting go of these “traditions” and changing with the times.

This seems to be a growing problem, where some women think they’ll stand their ground on issues like who pays and texting versus calling, etc and that the man will bend to their will. It’s not happening any more. A lot of women have evolved with the times and no longer play by the point value system. They don’t expect a man to pay, they don’t care if a man texts or calls. These women who refuse to evolve are the ones that are going to be shit out of luck.

So many women are caught up in getting men to do what they want all because they think they deserve to be treated a certain way. But then they turn around and contradict themselves arbitrarily by letting other guys – guys who are better looking or richer or whatever – get away with treating them like crap. Where’s the consistency? How is that these standards that so many women hold so dear to them get thrown out the window when ever Mr. Big drives up in his town car?

Not only that, but these women expect men to fulfill traditional gender roles and expectations (like paying the tab for the first date or choosing the date spot or “taking control”) while at the same time railing against societal expectations and stereotypes they claim are put upon them.

Christan and I have discussed this a little bit and here’s a slightly tweaked message that I sent to her on Facebook about it:

Maybe it’s a Southern thing, but you’re way too forgiving on the no buying dinner thing. The first time I went on a date and made a joke about splitting the check, I was surprised when the girl thought I was serious. At the time it didn’t occur to me that there were a lot of guys who don’t do that. Of course, that was naive. Since then, I have gotten an education on the subject. From what I’ve seen, these guys range from cheap, to lacking class, to woman haters, to wannabe pick-up artists who’ve somehow come to the mistaken impression that it’s not “alpha” to pay for dinner.

Granted, I could understand fudging a little bit a few dates in. You’re busted, she’s not, you’re going to see her in a few days anyway, yada, yada. I also get going to coffee for a first date, so it’s cheap and you don’t have to risk wasting a lot of money and time on a girl who may not be very interesting.

But, if a female friend of mine told me she went out to dinner with a guy who didn’t pay for her dinner on the first date, I’d tell her he was a loser and that she should run, not walk away…

So, now you’ve seen both perspectives and I have a simple question that I asked on Twitter and Facebook last night: “Ladies, have you ever had a good long term experience with a guy who went to dinner on 1st date, but didn’t pay?”

All the answers were “No” except for one woman who said she wouldn’t let ANY MAN pay for her dinner when she was dating. Honestly, that’s just what I expected, but I’m trying to keep my mind open here. So, if you have something to say about this in the comment section, chime right on in.

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