You Might Be A Democrat
You might be a Democrat if you believe…
- Fighting against government-subsidized contraceptives constitutes a “war on women,” but when Islamists stone a woman to death because she was raped, it is just “cultural differences.”
- The Second Amendment only guarantees the people’s right to own a musket, yet viewing Internet pornography in a public library is protected by the First.
- Teaching multiple origin theories in public schools is an abhorrent dilution of science curriculum, but in history class, class time should focus on the contributions of homosexuals and ethnic minorities.
- Teenagers should be able to get contraceptives or abortions without a parent’s permission, but sodas and other sugary drinks should be banned.
- Only white people can be racist.
- Raising taxes on cigarettes will discourage people from smoking, but raising income taxes and extending unemployment benefits won’t discourage people from working.
- The Broken Window Theory sounds like sound economic policy.
- Water-boarding terrorists to get intelligence on impending attacks is abhorrent, but cutting up unborn babies inside the womb is just a “choice.”
- Sarah Palin actually uttered the words “I can see Russia from my house.”
- Mitt Romney is an ultra-conservative right-wing ideologue.
- The Government is controlled by corporate special interests, but that same government should pass sweeping new laws any time there is a crisis.
- A 2,000 page law that spawned 20,000 pages of red tape in just 3 years is a good start at reforming America’s broken health care system.
- The 2009 Stimulus Bill didn’t work because it just didn’t spend enough money.
- The “AR” in “AR-15” stands for “Assault Rifle.”
- Raising the debt ceiling under George W. Bush represented a horrible failure of leadership, but when President Obama wants to raise the debt ceiling, it is necessary for the nation’s economic viability.
- Hard-line Islamic terrorists are just the misunderstood byproducts of American colonialism.
- The Tea Party is just a group of racist, homophobic anarchists who are non-violent…so far.
- A daily moment of silence in public schools constitutes “an establishment of religion,” yet restricting a valedictorian from mentioning her faith in a graduation speech does not prohibit “free exercise.”
- The National Rifle Association is directly responsible for the actions of every crazed mass murderer in the modern era.
- The First Amendment includes women’s right to get an abortion, but the Second Amendment does not protect the people’s right to keep and bear arms from government infringement.
- Teaching kids to use contraceptives with known failure rates is a better way to stop teenage pregnancy than teaching abstinence.
- Sarah Palin was responsible for the shooting of Gabrielle Giffords, but the Southern Poverty Law Center had no role in the shooting at the Family Research Council.
- The National Rifle Association is responsible for the recent mass shootings in America.
- The United States should model its health care system after England, Canada, or Cuba.
- The U.S. Government does not have a spending problem.
- Enforcing the death penalty for convicted murderers is “cruel and unusual,” but sex-selective abortions should not be judged.
- It’s still Bush’s fault.