You Might Be A Democrat

You might be a Democrat if you believe…

  • Fighting against government-subsidized contraceptives constitutes a “war on women,” but when Islamists stone a woman to death because she was raped, it is just “cultural differences.”
  • The Second Amendment only guarantees the people’s right to own a musket, yet viewing Internet pornography in a public library is protected by the First.
  • Teaching multiple origin theories in public schools is an abhorrent dilution of science curriculum, but in history class, class time should focus on the contributions of homosexuals and ethnic minorities.
  • Teenagers should be able to get contraceptives or abortions without a parent’s permission, but sodas and other sugary drinks should be banned.
  • Only white people can be racist.
  • Raising taxes on cigarettes will discourage people from smoking, but raising income taxes and extending unemployment benefits won’t discourage people from working.
  • The Broken Window Theory sounds like sound economic policy.
  • Water-boarding terrorists to get intelligence on impending attacks is abhorrent, but cutting up unborn babies inside the womb is just a “choice.”
  • Sarah Palin actually uttered the words “I can see Russia from my house.”
  • Mitt Romney is an ultra-conservative right-wing ideologue.
  • The Government is controlled by corporate special interests, but that same government should pass sweeping new laws any time there is a crisis.
  • A 2,000 page law that spawned 20,000 pages of red tape in just 3 years is a good start at reforming America’s broken health care system.
  • The 2009 Stimulus Bill didn’t work because it just didn’t spend enough money.
  • The “AR” in “AR-15” stands for “Assault Rifle.”
  • Raising the debt ceiling under George W. Bush represented a horrible failure of leadership, but when President Obama wants to raise the debt ceiling, it is necessary for the nation’s economic viability.
  • Hard-line Islamic terrorists are just the misunderstood byproducts of American colonialism.
  • The Tea Party is just a group of racist, homophobic anarchists who are non-violent…so far.
  • A daily moment of silence in public schools constitutes “an establishment of religion,” yet restricting a valedictorian from mentioning her faith in a graduation speech does not prohibit “free exercise.”
  • The National Rifle Association is directly responsible for the actions of every crazed mass murderer in the modern era.
  • The First Amendment includes women’s right to get an abortion, but the Second Amendment does not protect the people’s right to keep and bear arms from government infringement.
  • Teaching kids to use contraceptives with known failure rates is a better way to stop teenage pregnancy than teaching abstinence.
  • Sarah Palin was responsible for the shooting of Gabrielle Giffords, but the Southern Poverty Law Center had no role in the shooting at the Family Research Council.
  • The National Rifle Association is responsible for the recent mass shootings in America.
  • The United States should model its health care system after England, Canada, or Cuba.
  • The U.S. Government does not have a spending problem.
  • Enforcing the death penalty for convicted murderers is “cruel and unusual,” but sex-selective abortions should not be judged.
  • It’s still Bush’s fault.

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