Only Post-Consumer Toilet Paper May Touch Sheryl Crow’s Behind

When pop star Sheryl Crow called on Americans to save the polar bears by using only one square of toilet paper, the response was deafening laughter. Crow quickly retreated behind the highly unlikely “I was just kidding” defense. Maybe she should drop the singing and go into stand-up. Here she is joking again, via The Smoking Gun:

Touring the United States and Europe this year, Sheryl Crow arrives at venues with an assortment of environmental demands certain to vex concert promoters, according to a review of the musician’s 2010 backstage rider.

The document, excerpted here, actually has a 2-1/2 page “environmental portion” to be “strictly followed and policed.” Seeking to “minimize the overall environmental impact of our tour,” Crow demands that only biodegradable cups and dinnerware be used by the caterer. Produce should be “organic and purchased from local suppliers as much as possible.” And for the five backstage “watering stations,” water “must be sourced from a local spring water vendor.”

According to Crow’s rider, her tour party travels between gigs in two 45-foot buses, while her equipment is packed into two tractor-trailers.

Crow, 48, also offers promoters “venue greening suggestions.” She wants “traditional light bulbs” swapped out for compact fluorescent bulbs in “all offices, dressing rooms and common areas.” “Eco-friendly cleaning and bathroom products” and “post-consumer recycled toilet paper and paper towel” should also be used. Crow’s rider also notes that, “We strongly encourage you to use renewable sources and/or to buy sustainable energy credits where possible. Many local utilities offer ‘green power’ as an option — please check with yours and opt in.”

The document also details how Crow’s backstage hospitality room is to be stocked. The singer needs an assortment of “biodegradable non-petroleum cups” and 24 “disposable napkins made of 100% recycled fiber.”

Needless to say, no amount of dictatorial posturing will prevent a rock tour from generating massive quantities of C02, which according to moonbats like Crow constitutes pollution.

At least she’s less of a fascist than the comparably guffaw-inspiring Paul McCartney, who has fired roadies for consuming the flesh of murdered animals (i.e., eating hamburgers).

On tips from Jeff and Incitatus. Cross-posted at Moonbattery.

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