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Introducing The Acme Chastity Belt
by John Hawkins (W/ Pic By Hadez)
Are you a practicing Catholic with children? Do you want your
children to grow up with the benefits of a strong, lasting, faith
that can comfort them in times of trial and yet do you fear that
your children will be pawed like a cheap hooker by your priest?
Have you noticed that your priest's gaze seems to "linger"
a little bit too long on the kids? Has your priest been moved
to three different churches in the last four years because of
"personal reasons"?
Then you need the Acme chastity belt!
Don't be fooled by cheap imitations! The Acme chastity belt
is made of high quality steel and it's guaranteed to discourage
even the most persistent Catholic priest. You can be sure that
if your priest pulls your child's pants down and sees that Acme
label, he'll know that he's not getting lucky with your kid! But,
if your child isn't wearing an Acme chastity belt then who knows
what could happen? Why would any parent want to leave their child
alone for an hour with Father "Mcfeelyhands" wearing
a cheap knock off?
Some of you Catholic parents may think you don't need a chastity
belt for your child. Maybe you have a girl or your son is an ugly
little cuss, but never underestimate those Catholic priests. If
they're hitting the sauce, they may be game for anything!
Of course, you could simply stop taking your child to church,
but then your child would turn into a godless, little, heathen
savage. Today, it's skipping church, but tomorrow little Johnny
could be sacrificing prostitutes and drifters in bloody rituals
to please his pagan God. That's not something any parent wants
for their child.
That's why Acme chastity belts are the ultimate "parent's
helper" for all Catholics. Just like our slogan says...
"An Acme chastity belt, it's better than atheism!"
Look for Acme chastity belts at a store near you!
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