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Interview: Britney Spears
by Ozrael
Ozrael:
Hi Britney, how's it going?
Britney:
Hi Oz, I am like sooo happy to be here.
Ozrael:
Oh, so you read the eReel? I didn't think this was your type
of reading.
Britney:
Well... I like, TOTALLY love all the pictures, they are like
SO cool.
Ozrael:
Oh, well uh, let's get started shall we?
Britney:
*with a perky smile that makes you want to invest in some well-crafted
hollow tip bullets* Ummm.... okay!
Ozrael:
So Britney, your fan base consists solely of eleven and twelve
year olds. Has it ever occurred to you that these people only
like your music because Nickolodeon tells them to?
Britney:
What?
Ozrael:
Has it ever occurred to you that your fans are the unholy offspring
of a money hungry consumer driven mass media and an epidemic
of taste eating brain cancer?
Britney:
Yuck! Brains are icky...
Ozrael:
I was just saying that someone would have to be terminally ill
to actually like and admit to liking your music,
Britney:
Cancer is bad.
Ozrael:
I know Britney.
Britney:
I'm going to buy everyone with cancer a kitty cat, so they don't
have to be lonely.
Ozrael:
Okay... moving on to questions you MIGHT be able to answer...
Britney:
Like.... okay!
Ozrael:
What's your favorite color?
Britney:
Uhhhhhh.... Pink.
Ozrael:
What's your favorite food?
Britney:
Pizza, but it's waaaaay to fattening to eat everyday.
Ozrael:
How do you feel about the accusations that your just some dumb
blond with a rack?
Britney:
What? A rack? I used to work at a car wash, we had a rack there,
we put sponges on the rack and they got like, soooooo, ummmm....
spongy?
Ozrael:
I think you just proved my point, thanks...
Britney:
You're welcome *inhumanly perky smile*
Ozrael:
Oh s***, what time is it Britney?
Britney:
What is s***?
Ozrael:
S***? S*** is s***. Crap, poop, fecies, fecal matter, doo doo,
poopy, stool, droppings, poo, dung, doody, poo poo, s***.
Britney:
EEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwww.... poopy! Like, gross...
Ozrael:
Yeah, Britney what time is it?
Britney:
I don't know, the record company says I can't wear a watch.
Ozrael:
Why not?
Britney:
They say it clashes with my timeless boobies.
Ozrael:
Beauty?
Britney:
Whatever...
Ozrael:
Are you aware that you have the intellectual depth of a Swedish
tart festival?
EDITORS NOTE: EMPHASIS ON THE THE TART
Britney:
MMmmmmm.... tarts...
Ozrael:
I better hurry it's probably getting late. So what do you think
of the Backseat... er... BackSTREET Boys?
Britney:
They're cute!
Ozrael:
Would you date any of them?
Britney:
You're silly Oz, they like... don't date out of the group. I
think it's a guy thing.
Ozrael:
Trust me, it's not.
Britney:
Sure, anytime!
Ozrael:
Britney I've got to get going... it's been mind-numbing talking
to you. *pulls out keys*
Britney:
Bye...
Ozrael:
Later *keys fly across room and stick to Britney's forehead*
what the f***?
Britney:
Oops... I did it again... hehehehe
Ozrael:
I reiterate... What the f***?
Britney:
Oops I did it again...
Ozrael:
*Backs against the wall...*
Britney:
Oops I did it again...
Ozrael:
What's going on here? *takes a sip of his water*
Britney:
*smiles as nipple machine guns appear*
Ozrael:
OH MY GOD! BRITNEY YOU'RE A FEMBOT!
EDITORS NOTE: COME ON, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
MY APOLOGIES TO THE AUSTIN POWERS PEOPLE FOR STEALING THEIR IDEA...
BUT IT WAS TOO GOOD
Britney:
I'm like, totally sorry Oz, but it's time for you to say goodbye
Ozrael:
*kicks table into the Britneybot*
Britney:
*kicks it back at Oz* Come on baby... hit me one more time...
Ozrael:
*Picks himself up and punches Britneybot in the jaw hurting his
hand*
Britney:
*takes aim with nipplemachine guns*
Ozrael:
I knew those things were fake! *throws his water at Britney and
dives under the table*
Britney:
Ooooopppppppssssss..... hit meeeee again.... give siiiiigghhhn....
*sparks fly from her eyeballs as she comes crashing to the floor,
motor oil drips from her mouth*
Ozrael:
Oh my god... I didn't think I'd win that one. *starts rummaging
through Britneybot corpse* They had her running on a 2 meg processor?...
no wonder she was so f****** slow... and check out this audio
card.... what a piece of s***...
Record Company Executive: You'll pay for that Oz.
Ozrael:
No, I don't think so.
Record Company Executive: Don't you have any idea WHO I AM!!!
Ozrael:
No, and quite frankly I don't care. *Picks up Britneybot*
Record Company Executive: I happen to be Papa Lou
Ozrael:
And that means something to me because...?
Lou: I
created Britney, and Backstreet Boys, and N'Sync!
Ozrael:
And you think this is going to help you?
Lou: I
have connections, you'll wind up f****** dead, you rock loving
prick.
Ozrael:
So you got connections.... I got rapidfire tata's.
Lou: What?
Ozrael:
*put's finger in Britneybots bellybutton and finds the secret
trigger mechanism*
Lou: Noooooooooo.....
not the machine gun nipples....
eReel Studios:
*Filled with the sounds of machine gun fire*
Ozrael:
*Stores Britneybot safely in Whiskey Jack's guncloset with a
trigger safety lock, and burns Papa Lou ala Darth Vader in his
homemade Ewok Tree Village*
Ozrael:
Though the music industry is not quite safe from the pandemic
of bubblegum music raging across the billboard charts... it's
a little safer now...
::The very next day::
Baator: Nice
gun Whiskey.
Whiskey Jack:
Thanks, she's a beauty all right
Katie (Whiskey Jacks Girlfriend): *smacks Whiskey*
Whiskey Jack:
Sorry
Katie:
Damn straight you're f****** sorry.
Ozrael:
He was just kidding.
Katie:
You stay out of this, you're in trouble too!
Ozrael:
Me?!?
Katie:
*Unlocks guncloset and throws Britney out onto the floor*
Baator: Hey!
What are you doing!
Aerynebula (Ozrael's Girlfriend): *straps a grenade to Britney Bot's head* B****!!!
Ozrael:
S*** *grabs Aerynebula and dives behind the couch*
::BOOM::
EDITORS NOTE: THE EREEL STAFF ALL MADE
IT TO SAFETY... NO POP SUPERSTARS OR RECORD COMPANY EXECUTIVES
WERE KILLED IN THE MAKING OF THIS INTERVIEW... PITY...
If you liked this satire, check out the
Electric
Reel and their Voice Chat.
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