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The Saddam Hussein Fan Club
by Azziz Azzam
Hello. My name is Azziz Azzam and I am the president of the
Saddam Hussein fan club! Like all the people of Iraq, I love Saddam
Hussein! Many people don't understand this because American propaganda
has turned their decadent brains backwards!
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Of course the truth cannot be hidden forever! That is why Saddam
has been memorialized in the American cartoon "South Park". Even
American children love Saddam!!!
As we were taught in school, Saddam founded Iraq. Before Saddam
came here, there was nothing but rocks and thorn bushes to eat
and the American and British infidels made all Iraqis toil in
the sewage mines! At that time, Iraqis worked 20 hours a day mining
sewage while the infidels slathered our babies in BBQ sauce and
ate them whole! We all prayed to Allah for a savior and he sent
Saddam Hussein who was also known as the errand boy of Muhammad, the
crotch rot of the infidels, the dreaded camel of the desert, the fire in the orpahange of the
West, and he who we love so he will not execute us!
 Here
is Saddam using his Shaolin monk super powers of goodness to grow to over
a hundred feet tall! It's said that his every step crushed a hundred
infidels! -------------------->
Saddam single handedly drove the infidels away using martial
arts techniques taught to him by Shaolin monks because he was
so virtuous! His mighty karate chops destroyed tanks, his kicks
knocked down helicopters and the infidels ran for their lives!
Soon thereafter Saddam did the work of a thousand men as he
worked to rebuild Iraq! He closed the sewage mines, drilled for
oil with his bare hands, and built houses for all the poor people!
Then the evil infidels from Iran attacked the brave people
of Iraq! They were undoubtably jealous of our beautiful women
and the happiness of of the Iraqi people under Saddam Hussein's
rule! Saddam led the Iraqi army into combat against Iran personally
and despite the fact that Iran was joined by the armies of Britain,
America, France, Spain, Italy, Afghanistan, and the Moon Men from
Mars (I think Saddam killed all of these guys personally), Saddam
led us to victory! The Iraqi armies obliterated Iran's forces and we were
about to take their entire nation but Saddam showed mercy and
allowed them to keep their country! Ah, Saddam is so generous!
Then the odious, Zionist, pig-monkey, people of Kuwait insulted
the virtue of Saddam, cursed Islam, reviled motherhood, and spat upon all the good names of all the people of Iraq! Saddam tried to make peace with them but they insisted on
trying to invade Iraq anyway (I know, what fools they were to
think they could defeat us!). So we bravely met them in battle
and took their country! All the people there were so happy! They
loved Saddam and all the Iraqi people! They sang songs of happiness,
did dances of joy, and life was good! Then all the infidels of
the world became so jealous of the people of Iraq's success that
they all attacked us (first Iran, then all the American and British
infidels. Get over your jealousy people!!) We were defeating them
easily in the "Mother of All Battles" when Saddam Hussein
was moved to tears by all the infidels we were killing so we left
Kuwait and came back to Iraq (Saddam is too nice for his own good
if you ask me!!)
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Saddam with a bunch of kids. Did you know 1/2 of them turned out
to be spies? That's why Saddam had to shoot many of them personally!
Since then, things have been bad here in Iraq. There are spies
everywhere, the Americans and British lie about our great leader
Saddam, and there is no food! Some people ask how our glorious
leader can afford more than 60 palaces, lots of new military hardware,
and an Olympic stadium when people are starving? That's a good
question but our leader moves in mysterious ways!
Many people say the Great Satan America is going to attack
us again soon! When I heard that I laughed and told all my friends
that we'd easily crush the Americans just like we did in the Gulf
War. My uncle Haseem acted as if I were mad! He said "I fought
in the Gulf War and my unit ran across an American Jeep stuck
in the sand. There were 2 of them and 200 of us. We pulled their
jeep out of the sand and then we all surrendered to them. The
Americans kicked our @sses." Well obviously that was crazy
talk! The police must of agreed because some of them heard uncle
Haseem and they beat him up and dragged him off (probably to an
insane asylum)! That was a few months ago and I haven't seen uncle
Haseem again. He must of been even crazier than I thought!
So as you can see, Saddam is the pure jockey of justice who
will ride the great American Satan-horse into the ground! If you
understand this as all of us Iraqis do, you may want to join his
fan club (no infidels allowed! Ha, take that infidels!). If you
are interested, just come to Iraq and join our glorious army that
will soon liberate all the Americans and British from being forced
to keep their women 1/2 naked and from their confusion caused
by their voting and books! Remember to join the Saddam Hussein
Fan Club now while you can get in on the root cellar floor! Don't
try to jump on the camel wagon after Saddam is supreme leader
of the whole world because then it will be too late and we will
only say "HA! You are too late camel wagon jumper!"
Our next meeting is on April 1st at 9 AM in Baghdad right behind
the public square where Saddam shoots traitors who merely pretend
to be his relatives, nuns, Red Cross workers, and starving orphans.
Until then, long live Saddam!!! -- Azziz Azzam
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