Now, You Too Can Have Your Own Dead, Headless, Skinned Fresh Whole Rabbit!

Now, You Too Can Have Your Own Dead, Headless, Skinned Fresh Whole Rabbit!

Fresh whole rabbit Every so often, some product on Amazon will catch people’s attention and dozens, sometimes hundreds, of people will flock to the item to write funny reviews. The most famous one is the The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt.

Well today, I ran across another one that is pretty funny: The Fresh Whole Rabbit that’s pictured on the left.

The reviews of this product were ah, let’s say, quite unique =D,

These are NOT alive!

I’ll keep this short and sweet. We ordered one of these rabbits for our children this Easter and boy what a surprise. It is NOT a living rabbit. Someone has killed this rabbit and skinned it, I suppose for eating. Anyway, our children were traumatized and Easter is not the same holiday that it used to be for us. On the upside, we don’t have to fill their Easter baskets anymore as we told them the Easter bunny was killed by Amazon.

P.S. The rabbit tasted very good.

Very Fresh!

I was sent a live rabbit, a hammer and a skinning knife. It doesn’t get fresher than this, folks.

A real time saver

How many weekends have I spent, in the loincloth, knife clenched in my teeth, running through the fields trying to find a rabbit? (A bunch, trust me on this, a bunch.) All so I can have something to sacrifice on the altar once I get to the cave.

Now, with this, home, fix a cocktail, go through the day’s mail, finish my drink and drive over to the cave, yank this carcass out of the box and offer this at the feet of my dark lord and master, boom, done. I’m happy, my dark lord and master is happy, everybody wins.

What a time saver.

Whole Rabbit – NOT!

I ordered one of these Fresh “Whole” Rabbits, but when it arrived its head, fur and insides were missing. Not exactly whole, I’d say! Maybe it was just damaged during shipping, but I won’t be buying another one. I mean – without the long ears, how do I know it even WAS a rabbit? It was the same size and shape as a cat…not that I’ve seen a cat with its head, fur and insides missing. I mean, not like really close or anything.

On the plus side, it was delicious with a tall, cold glass of Tuscan Milk, so I give it three stars. That’s three WHOLE stars, BTW

the dark lord LOVES it!!

With the lack of wild animals in my town, sacrificing to the Dark Lord has become a real chore. I can’t tell you how many times I have had to pay someone to go into a pet store to get my daily sacrifices (they don’t let me in anymore. They say I’m a “too frequent” customer).

But with this rabbit, I don’t have to bribe a hobo to get a living creature. The Dark Lord has never blessed me so much sense I have been using this. 5 stars for sure.

I know what it’s like to be a feral dog

Like many suburban homeowners, I like to kill and eat the wild animals that populate my backyard. To keep it sporting, I hunt naked, with my teeth and long sharpened fingernails as my only weapons. I’ve feasted on squirrel, raccoon, vole and numerous songbirds. But no matter how long I lay spread eagle and motionless in the hot noonday sun, I have never been able to outwit and catch any of the plump and juicy rabbits that hop just outside my reach and then bolt for the woods when I leap forward with a blood-curdling shriek. I have chased them at a dead run through the yards of the many unoccupied homes that surround mine but the pursuit always ends in frustration. But no more, thanks to Amazon. Every week, I order a fresh whole rabbit and affix it to a remote control car that is operated by one of my children. This way, I get the thrill of the hunt, and when the car’s batteries are exhausted, I can leap upon it, bury my teeth into the rabbit’s soft flesh and perform my ritual victory dance right there in the Walgreen’s parking lot.

Leave a Comment

Share this!

Enjoy reading? Share it with your friends!

Send this to a friend