Obama RIPs the American Family

As the nation continues to struggle economically and many American families are struggling to feed themselves in this jobless environment, Barack Obama is urging Congress to new and energetic intervention with a new law he is proposing that is intended to fix the failing American nuclear family unit.

Senate Democrat leader Harry Reid has signed onto Obama’s new idea and is now pushing the Reinvesting Individual People Act, or the RIP Act, through the Senate. Every Democrat has pledged to vote yes on the bill while the obstructionist Republicans–except for John McCain–are saying they will oppose the bill.

In a press conference from the White House, President Obama announced the new idea that he says will make families fair. Because some families are big and others small, Obama says, it is not fair as the small families are getting off too cheap in this tough economy.

“Smaller families have a smaller economic and environmental footprint,” Obama said on Friday evening. “Therefore, we intend to offer a helping hand to Americans with the Reinvesting Individual People Act.”

This new law will mandate that all families be of equal size. Every family will be made of three people and never any more than that.

This caring President does realize that not everyone will be able to find a family who will take them in, though. He also has a unique and cost effective way to solve that problem.

Any left over people who no one will take into a family unit will be remanded to Obama Furnished Units (or OFU’s) to be built in Detroit after the rest of the crumbling city is razed to the ground.

This is being billed as a jobs program as thousands of new guards and community service personnel will be required to implement this new compassionate and fair law.

President of the AFL-CIO noted that the RIP Act will bring thousands of Americans firmly into the middle class in Detroit as new construction and retention guards are hired and unionized.

Republicans point out that the new law contains carve outs for unions and exempts the families of union members, federal employees, Illegal immigrants and Congress.

Democrat Party Chairperson Debbie Wasserman Schultz said on MSNBC that anyone who opposed this bill is only doing so because of the racism inherent in white society.

When asked how this fits into the Constitution, the President said, “The consti-tutie-whattus, again?”

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