Taliban Translation Guide

Many people are confused when things that the Taliban say don’t seem to match up to reality. Some people believe that this means the Taliban are liars. Nothing could be further from the truth. You simply need to understand Taliban slang and lingo. Therefore, BKW has created a “Taliban Translation Guide” to help you out. Read and Enjoy!

Anti-Aircraft Unit: Men with slingshots

Anti-Tank Unit: 2 dozen guys with spears

Bin Laden is safe: Bin Laden is hiding under a burqa pretending to be a woman

Brazen Slut: Woman with ankles showing

Eat: What you do if your camel goes lame

Enforcing Proper Grooming: Beating people who don’t have beards long enough to trip over

Fighting to the Last Breath: Running when fired at

Enforcing the Law: Stopping people from flying kites and playing music

Moderate Taliban: Taliban who prefer hanging people for watching TV instead of stoning them

Negotiate: Delay as long as possible

Prime Real Estate: Cave with two ways out

Safe House: Red Cross

Self Defense: Blowing up a school bus full of kids in another country

Tactical Regrouping: Hiding in Caves

Tactical Retreat: Running for your life

Tank Parking Lot: Mosque

Weapon: Stick

(“Top Notch” Weapon): Stick with a nail in it

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