The Canadian Menace
Military analysts have noted quite a bit of suspicious activity in recent months North of the American border. Canada has called up all of its reserves and has mobilized almost its entire force on the US/Canadian border. Responses from Canadian diplomats on the subject have been less than enlightening.
“Nothing for you yanks to worry about, eh?” said the Canadian ambassador to the US.
However, some people have become concerned that Canada is planning an invasion of the United States. Noted Canada expert Jean Sandusky believes this may be the case.
“It hasn’t been widely reported but Canadian text books no longer have a country called the “United States” in them. 5 years ago the name “United States” was replaced by “New Canada.”
There have been other disturbing signs that the Canadian population has been preparing for war as well. Consider this story from American baseball fan Tony Tarano.
“So I’m going up to a Blue Jays game a couple of days ago right? I get completely lost and I stop in this small town for directions. So I pull into this gas station and I notice these guys across the street in a field. They’re putting this spiked armor on a moose! Then I notice they must have had a 100 moose, meese, Hell I don’t what you call ’em, but they had a hundred of ’em, armored up and looking scarier than all Hell. Then I notice there are dozens of Canadians breaking Molson beer bottles and taping knives on the ends of their hockey sticks. I didn’t know what the Hell they were doing and I sure wasn’t going to ask. All I know is that I got back on the highway and high tailed it straight for home as fast I could.”
Of course not everyone thinks we have anything to worry about. Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly had this to say on the subject of “The Canadian Menace”‘
“C’mon, Canada? What are they going to do, skate down here and throw rocks at us?
After being asked about O’Reilly’s comments at a press conference earlier today, Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien agreed that a Canadian invasion of America was too ridiculous to contemplate.
“Canada invade America? How silly. We have been allies and partners in peace for so long. Of course, our historical claim on the North Eastern United States is obvious when you look at Canadian history. I’m also not sure how Canadians have restrained themselves from retaliating for the outrageous slander in American movies like “South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut” and “Canadian Bacon”. Furthermore, our intelligence indicates that American forces are stretched to breaking point by the ‘War on Terrorism’ and I doubt if they could withstand a Canadian invasion right now. But New Cana’America has nothing to worry about.”
Then Mr. Chretien broke into a long, maniacal, burst of laughter as the reporters filed nervously from the room.