The Man’s Translation Guide: What Are Women Really Saying?

We can’t go out because I’ve got a boyfriend:: I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s to you.

It’s not you, it’s me:: It’s you.

I don’t date men where I work:: Unless they have a lot of money or are attractive and you are neither.

I’m concentrating on my career too much right now to go out with anyone:Even something as boring and un-fulfilling as my job is better than dating you.

I’m just taking a relationship quiz I found in Redbook…:: I hate you and I’m hoping this quiz will help me figure out why I haven’t dumped you already.

Let’s just be friends:: I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It’s that male perspective thing.

I’m not telling you what’s wrong, you should know!:: Look at him Squirm! Hahahah!

I have a big surprise for you that I want to reveal on the Jerry Springer show.:: I intend to publicly humiliate you by revealing that your penis was so small that it drove me to have lesbian three ways with your mother and your sister.

I am VERY into women’s rights! I am woman hear me roar!!:: I’m not getting a boob job, a nose job, wearing make-up, doing my hair, and developing a personality just to get a man. I’ll just have to make do.

Do you think I need to lose 10 pounds?:: I want you to prove that you love me by lying and saying that I don’t need to lose 10 pounds when I actually do. That’s despite the fact that I flipped out last week and yelled at you for a solid hour about how relationships are built on honesty.

I think you’re a little too old to go out with me:: Having sex with you would be like having sex with my father.

I don’t want to take a chance on ruining our friendship by going out:: You physically repulse and disgust me. I would rather become a nun than have sex with you.

You deserve someone better than me:: I had no idea you’d turn out to be such a hopeless dork. Going out with you was the most embarassing thing I’ve ever done.

Tell me the truth, do you think she’s prettier than me?:: Despite the fact that I’m asking you to compare me to a super model you must lie and say I am more attractive than her or you hate me and want me to die.

Want to see more work by Yusuken? Then go to: The Hive.

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