The Saddam Hussein Fan Club
Hello. My name is Azziz Azzam and I am the president of the Saddam Hussein fan club! Like all the people of Iraq, I love Saddam Hussein! Many people don’t understand this because American propaganda has turned their decadent brains backwards!
<—– Of course the truth cannot be hidden forever! That is why Saddam has been memorialized in the American cartoon “South Park”. Even American children love Saddam!!!
As we were taught in school, Saddam founded Iraq. Before Saddam came here, there was nothing but rocks and thorn bushes to eat and the American and British infidels made all Iraqis toil in the sewage mines! At that time, Iraqis worked 20 hours a day mining sewage while the infidels slathered our babies in BBQ sauce and ate them whole! We all prayed to Allah for a savior and he sent Saddam Hussein who was also known as the errand boy of Muhammad, the crotch rot of the infidels, the dreaded camel of the desert, the fire in the orpahange of the West, and he who we love so he will not execute us!
Here is Saddam using his Shaolin monk super powers of goodness to grow to over a hundred feet tall! It’s said that his every step crushed a hundred infidels! ——————–>
Saddam single handedly drove the infidels away using martial arts techniques taught to him by Shaolin monks because he was so virtuous! His mighty karate chops destroyed tanks, his kicks knocked down helicopters and the infidels ran for their lives!
Soon thereafter Saddam did the work of a thousand men as he worked to rebuild Iraq! He closed the sewage mines, drilled for oil with his bare hands, and built houses for all the poor people!
Then the evil infidels from Iran attacked the brave people of Iraq! They were undoubtably jealous of our beautiful women and the happiness of of the Iraqi people under Saddam Hussein’s rule! Saddam led the Iraqi army into combat against Iran personally and despite the fact that Iran was joined by the armies of Britain, America, France, Spain, Italy, Afghanistan, and the Moon Men from Mars (I think Saddam killed all of these guys personally), Saddam led us to victory! The Iraqi armies obliterated Iran’s forces and we were about to take their entire nation but Saddam showed mercy and allowed them to keep their country! Ah, Saddam is so generous!
Then the odious, Zionist, pig-monkey, people of Kuwait insulted the virtue of Saddam, cursed Islam, reviled motherhood, and spat upon all the good names of all the people of Iraq! Saddam tried to make peace with them but they insisted on trying to invade Iraq anyway (I know, what fools they were to think they could defeat us!). So we bravely met them in battle and took their country! All the people there were so happy! They loved Saddam and all the Iraqi people! They sang songs of happiness, did dances of joy, and life was good! Then all the infidels of the world became so jealous of the people of Iraq’s success that they all attacked us (first Iran, then all the American and British infidels. Get over your jealousy people!!) We were defeating them easily in the “Mother of All Battles” when Saddam Hussein was moved to tears by all the infidels we were killing so we left Kuwait and came back to Iraq (Saddam is too nice for his own good if you ask me!!)
<—- Saddam with a bunch of kids. Did you know 1/2 of them turned out to be spies? That’s why Saddam had to shoot many of them personally!
Since then, things have been bad here in Iraq. There are spies everywhere, the Americans and British lie about our great leader Saddam, and there is no food! Some people ask how our glorious leader can afford more than 60 palaces, lots of new military hardware, and an Olympic stadium when people are starving? That’s a good question but our leader moves in mysterious ways!
Many people say the Great Satan America is going to attack us again soon! When I heard that I laughed and told all my friends that we’d easily crush the Americans just like we did in the Gulf War. My uncle Haseem acted as if I were mad! He said “I fought in the Gulf War and my unit ran across an American Jeep stuck in the sand. There were 2 of them and 200 of us. We pulled their jeep out of the sand and then we all surrendered to them. The Americans kicked our @sses.” Well obviously that was crazy talk! The police must of agreed because some of them heard uncle Haseem and they beat him up and dragged him off (probably to an insane asylum)! That was a few months ago and I haven’t seen uncle Haseem again. He must of been even crazier than I thought!
So as you can see, Saddam is the pure jockey of justice who will ride the great American Satan-horse into the ground! If you understand this as all of us Iraqis do, you may want to join his fan club (no infidels allowed! Ha, take that infidels!). If you are interested, just come to Iraq and join our glorious army that will soon liberate all the Americans and British from being forced to keep their women 1/2 naked and from their confusion caused by their voting and books! Remember to join the Saddam Hussein Fan Club now while you can get in on the root cellar floor! Don’t try to jump on the camel wagon after Saddam is supreme leader of the whole world because then it will be too late and we will only say “HA! You are too late camel wagon jumper!”
Our next meeting is on April 1st at 9 AM in Baghdad right behind the public square where Saddam shoots traitors who merely pretend to be his relatives, nuns, Red Cross workers, and starving orphans. Until then, long live Saddam!!! — Azziz Azzam