The Translation Guide For Middle Eastern Dictators

Since the ‘War On Terrorism’ started, Americans have actually begun paying attention to the wild-eyed thugs and gibbering tyrants who run most of the Middle East. But since most Americans aren’t used to hearing from other nations unless they’re destroying them in Olympic basketball or overthrowing their governments, they don’t really understand the babbling of shifty eyed sociopaths like Saddam Hussein, Yasser Arafat, Crown Prince Abdullah, or of lesser known nutjobs like Bashar Assad of Syria or Ayatollah Ali Khamenei of Iran. That’s why RWN is stepping up and delivering a translation guide prepared by the United States Ambassador of Whoopass himself. This guide will probably be made available to diplomats across the world…but only after the loyal RWN readers have seen it first!

Prepare to fight the mother of all battles!:: Let the surrendering begin!

With Allah’s help we will defeat the infidels:: Allah had better help because we couldn’t beat a bunch of boyscouts with just these 40 year old weapons.

America is the ‘Great Satan’:: I can’t stop watching Britney Spears videos and what man could resist Baywatch? It is Satan’s work!

Death To America!:: I just saw Titanic and it was the most overhyped movie of all time! Don’t even get me started on “Pootie Tang.” I can’t believe Ahmed talked me into watching that.

The American empire will not encompass our nation in their hegemony!:: I don’t know exactly what that means but I heard Kim Jong Il from Korea say it in a speech once. That guy is part of the ‘Axis of Evil’ so he must be doing something right!

We are not terrorists! The Americans and the Zionists are the real terrorists!:We’re rubber, you Americans are glue, what you say bounces off of us and sticks to you!

The Americans have committed many crimes against our people!:: Our people are hungry and they only ship us military rations and bags of wheat. Why can’t we get Domino’s Pizza? What about some Big Macs or buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken? It’s criminal that we don’t have a single Jack in the Box or White Castle in our country! Do you know what it’s like to be in the mood for a Whopper when there’s not a single Burger King in 500 miles? Do you?

We call for thousands of martyrs to fight against America!:: While the Americans are martyring you guys I’m going to be over here eating caviar in the jacuzzi. Good luck with that martyring thing, I’ll be rooting for you!

We are ready to repel any American attack! They will never step foot on our soil!:: The Americans will…is that a plane? Everyone run for your lives! Run for your lives! The Americans are coming! Aieeeeeeeeeeeee!

We have no biological weapons. That is another American lie!:: We are planning to give terrorists anthrax to put in boxes of the militaristic American cereal “Cap’n Crunch” starting next week!

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