You Stupid American. We Bomb You Now! (More Fan Mail)

by John Hawkins | January 1, 2012 9:34 pm

(**I received this email today from someone nicknamed Cyril Holt. The last time I heard from him, he was royally p*ssed off because I fulfilled my duties as the US Ambassador of Whoop Ass and scared the hell out of the Chinese with: this email[1]: that I sent to their embassy (Incidentally, they announced our people would be released the day after I sent this email. Coincidence or fear of the “American whoop ass machine”?) Anyway I figured I’d heard the last from him until I received 2 emails from him today. Other than correcting a couple of grammatical errors, these emails are being posted unedited and in their entirety.

After reading these emails I quickly recognized the writing style of a famous foreign leader. I am sure that all of BKW’s readers will recognize it just as easily as I did. Cyril Holt is obviously the internet nickname of…….Mullah Mohammed Omar who is sending this email directly from Kandahar as his last act of electronic Jihad before the American’s arrive!!! Feel free to call CNN because BKW has the scoop of the decade…or at least I will if he dies before he sends out another email. Let’s get cracking with those daisy cutters guys, BKW needs a few thousand hits!!!**)

Ha ha! You stupid American. I Omar Muhammad Omar Eminem Bob Bin Omar. I big bad terrorist. I kill you now.

Haha! You stupid American think you safe. Ha! Well we have the anthrax. You catch the anthrax. No cure for anthrax. You die slow, painful death, American sadist pig! Haha! You think you catch us? We go to Switzerland! What you do? declare war on Switzerland? Stupid American. You can’t declare war on Switzerland. It universal law.

You say we evil but you bomb little children and kill nice Taliban! I call your situation ironic, haha! You not even know what irony is! That ‘Alanis’ prove it!

I go now. Bin Laden hiding in porta-potty, must go move it to new cave. Old one get all stinky. I give finger to any American pilots I see. Then I pray to Allah and Allah kill them. Like Allah kill you. Allah is good. He not hate us. He hate you and he hate stupid ‘Muslims’ who not devote their lives to destruction. He kill you with fire and brimstone.

I hear strange noises now. People yelling ‘Green Berets!’ and ‘SAS!’ I go kill American scum now.

Haha. American dogs die then. At least, I think they die. I hear screaming as I hurried out back door. But I not know American dogs pray to Allah. Must be heathen Muslim dogs.

Haha, we are coming for you, stupid American. Your ‘Whoop-Ass’ will not save you. We have bigger ass and more whoop. We kill you soon.