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10 Horror Movies For Conservatives To Watch This Halloween
Written By : John Hawkins

Halloween is almost upon us and you’re probably thinking, “Gee, wouldn’t it be great to kick back on the couch and rent a few conservative horror flicks for the big night?”

Here’s the problem: horror films aren’t family friendly. They’re gory, they’re violent, and they’re vulgar. Even setting that aside, there really aren’t very many “conservative” movies overall and there are almost no truly “conservative” horror flicks. Still, as a Right-Wing horror film aficionado, I can at least make a few solid recommendations that might have some extra-added appeal for conservatives.

Cloverfield (2007): This is probably the best “giant-monster” film ever made. The monster was well done, the scenes were creepy, and there was a certain realness and fundamental decency to the characters. This is how you’d like to think ordinary people would react in a crisis. Meanwhile, the military was in the thick of the action, bravely fighting against the Cloverfield monster and handling an impossible situation the best way they could. It was ultimately a grim movie, but once things started rolling, the film keeps you on the edge of your seat.

The Dead Zone (1983): Christopher Walken is the lead in this Stephen King story about a deranged politician and the man who was willing to sacrifice everything to try to stop him from launching a nuclear war.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005): This is a cleverly written film that simultaneously treats Christian values respectfully, while leaving non-believers room to doubt. It was also inspiringly creepy enough to convince me to actually read a distressing book on exorcisms called, The Dark Sacrament: True Stories of Modern-Day Demon Possession and Exorcism.

The Exorcist (1973): This in one of the most genuinely disturbing movies that you’ll ever see and it’s not for the faint hearted. But, it does feature self-sacrificing priests who are fighting spiritually against true evil. That’s very rare for Hollywood, where members of the clergy are habitually treated as drunkards, hypocrites, perverts, and villains.

The Fog (1980): This tale of woe visited upon the Northern California town of Antonio Bay because of the ignoble actions of their ancestors is chilling indeed. The brilliant timing of the movie, the sense of disquieting dread, and the remorseless approach of evil makes it a must watch film. Just a note: Don’t confuse this outstanding film with the execrable 2005 remake which was so bad that every existing copy should be buried at the bottom of the Marianas Trench.

The Mist (2007): A sinister story about a deadly government experiment and how quickly human beings can become primitive again when they’re isolated, alone, and in danger. Oh yeah, there are also weird monsters, a menacing mist, and a well-written Stephen King plotline. The ending is, ah — let’s just say, you don’t want to know how it ends until you see it.

Quarantine (2008): When zombies infected with super-rabies are trying to kill you and the government shows up, count on them to stand outside, picking their noses and trying to figure out what to do, while you struggle for survival. It’s a timely and true message: Don’t count on your government in a crisis. Also, don’t get trapped in a building with zombies. We shouldn’t forget that either.

Re-Animator (1985): This movie is little funny, a little macabre, and a little gory. Somewhere in there is also a message about the perils of playing God with human life. That’s a message that’s all too timely given some of the morality free experiments scientists across the world are working on.

The Silence of the Lambs (1991): Fundamentally decent FBI agents match wits with one of the great horror villains of all-time, Hannibal Lecter, in an attempt to stop a serial killer. This isn’t as pure a horror flick as some of the other films on the list, but it will keep you riveted to the screen.

The Tripper (2007): This movie is meant to be a slap at Ronald Reagan and conservatives. In a couple of spots near the end of the movie, it does manage to grate conservative sensibilities. However, that mild annoyance does not to detract from the sweet, sweet joy of watching a guy in a Ronald Reagan mask taking an ax to dirty, drug addled hippies throughout the movie. If a conservative had made this movie, instead of David Arquette, liberals would be calling it a “hate crime.”

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  • Mike_M

    I reccomend Failsafe. Either the original movie or the TV remake will do. The idea of President Henry Fonda or Richard Dreyfuss having the US military nuke New York City should be sufficiently horrifying for any conservative.

  • http://www.thepiratescove.us William_Teach

    I love Cloverfield. A little short, but, a good buildup, good end.

    Can't stand the ending in The Mist. Bad way to end it.

    The remake of Dawn of the Dead rocked, too. Kinda like Quarantine, when the going gets tough, the government disappears.

    If anyone wants to see a messed up movie, check out The Midnight Meat Train.

    Hellraiser is another good one. Someone starts messing around with something best left alone, and really messes things up. Just like the Obama admin! :)

  • D-Vega

    I haven't seen The Tripper, and I would like to disagree with The Fog, Cloverfield and Re-animator.

    I respectfully submit:

    - In The Mouth of Madness.

    - The Shining

    - Seven

    - RoseMary's Baby

    - The Thing (new)

    - Suspiria

    - Phantasm

    - Hellraiser

    - The Fly (new)

    - Drag Me To Hell (This one is not quite on the level of the ones above, but I saw it recently and it was pretty cool.)

  • http://www.reddirtdude.blogspot.com President_Friedman

    The Exorcism of Emily Rose… that is one of the most genuinely spooky movies I have seen in the last decade.

    And although it's not really a movie, per se, we have been Netflixing the Showtime series Dexter, about a serial killer who has a moral code that only allows him to kill other murderers, and I'd say in a roundabout way, it is a conservative show (in the same ways The Dark Knight was conservative).

  • D-Vega

    I have been wanting to see Midnight Meat Train, but it was removed quickly from On Demand (it was also changed to The Midnight Train) and for some reason Blockbuster won't offer it.

    It must really be a messed up movie.

  • http://www.thepiratescove.us William_Teach

    Hmm, my Blockbuster has it, though, I actually bought it on Blueray when it was on sale at Best Buy.

    It's a Clive Barker movie, so, yeah, messed up. Graphic, but, not too graphic, if you know what I mean.

    Drag Me To Hell is good, they just need to even out the darned audio.

  • BIG

    If I want to watch a horror movie, I'll go rent "An Inconvienent Truth". Or a Michael Moore film.

  • Realpolitik

    Posted by BIG

    2009-10-20 10:41:43

    Aw, there has to be one in every crowd.

    The Exorcism of Emily Rose is indeed an excellent movie. There are few movies which deal with the supernatural in any really believable way.

    One of the best horror movies is still the original Dracula move, the 1920's Nosferatu from Germany. There has never nor since been a better Dracula than Max Schreck.

  • http://www.thepiratescove.us William_Teach

    The Dracula with Frank Langella was pretty good. And, can't forget the Abbott and Costello with Dracula, Frankenstein Monster

  • http://PatriotPost.US bthewolf

    If I want to watch a horror movie, I'll go rent "An Inconvienent Truth". Or a Michael Moore film.

    Posted by BIG

    2009-10-20 10:41:43

    I thought those were comedies? I mean there's nothing factual in any of them, and they are very laughable.

  • http://conservativebootcamp.com martinhale

    Although it's more of a psychological horror film than a gory blood-fest, one movie which I've always found profoundly disturbing is Roman Polanski's Repulsion. It's something he created while still in Poland at film school and it was done before he became a creepy child molester. I have a pretty thick skin, but I found myself squirming in my seat as this film wore on.

    Profoundly disturbing is the perfect description for this little-known gem.

  • http://guardian.blogdrive.com/ CavalierX

    I really like a movie called "The Gravedancers" that came out a few years ago, right up until it descended into cliche near the end (think "boss monster"). Still, it was better than most horror films out these days.
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0435653/

  • BIG

    Posted by Realpolitik

    2009-10-20 11:06:24

    I bet there are plenty of other pre-WWII German films that you love. I bet Triumph of the Will by Leni Riefenstahl is one of your favorites.

  • Realpolitik

    I bet Triumph of the Will by Leni Riefenstahl is one of your favorites.

    Posted by BIG

    2009-10-20 11:40:01

    It is indeed an excellent movie.

  • Corperate_Cabana

    I recommend…..

    The Thing: BOTH VERSIONS. Carpenter's remake actually borrowed a lot of pieces from the original, 'Red Scare' version. For gore the remake is king, but the snappy one liners in the original are aces.

    Hellraiser: pleasure has risk: undying, unending, the ultimate pleasure has consequences. There is no other message in this movie other than being careful what you wish for, whatever your darkest desires are.

    Saw: the original is still the best. Indeed Jigsaw is right: some people are just so ungrateful over the life they have been given.

    The Beast Within: This is another of those overlooked movies. It's got a good cast too. It's about a young woman who gets raped by a monster, who decides to have the child, who is born normal. However, years later, as the son hits puberty and things go wrong his parents decide to revisit that terrible night by going back to their home town where the rape took place. During their investigation, bad things happen to bad people. See it to learn the details.

    The Fly: BOTH VERSIONS. The old version because it has Vincent Price and the end sums up why messing with Nature (or God, whoever you believe in) has heartbreaking consequences. In the update, without question, it show a more horrific, if not gut-wrenching, form of those consequences. Hands down director David Cronenberg's best film, as it was also Jeff Goldbum's greatest performance. There are talks about a remake of the remake: I beg, please don't!

    The Blob Remake: Before Rob Zombie ruins the Blob, see the remake of the Steve McQueen movie. Before the 'Dawn of the Dead' remake made zombies faster, the Blob got faster and could form shapes to snag people. If there is anything worse than experimentation it's government experimentation. Plus….the gore in this movie is just unbelievable for the time.

  • http://www.superdickery.com mightysamurai

    Here's the problem: horror films aren't family friendly. They're gory, they're violent, and they're vulgar.

    This is actually why horror movies generally bore me. They are almost invariably not scary. It bothers me that so many famous movies are counted as "horror" movies despite being not the least bit scary. Gore, violence, and vulgarity are emphatically not scary, and it seems like most so-called "horror" movies (at least most American ones) in recent memory have been all about the gore, violence, and vulgarity and leave no room for any genuine scares outside of the odd "monster jumps out and yells BOO!" moments.

    Also, any movie that makes you root for the killer psychopath or the mutant abomination or the zombie hordes is not a horror movie. I'm looking at you, every teen slasher movie ever made.

    The last American "horror" movie I can think of that I found genuinely scary was probably Jaws.

  • NorthernCanuck

    The Jacket: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0366627/
    "A Gulf war veteran is wrongly sent to a mental institution for insane criminals, where he becomes the object of a Doctor's experiences, and his life is completely affected by them."

    I came across it late one night and couldn't sleep at all afterwards. If you have any claustrophobic tendencies this will freak you out.

  • Lizard

    Any Friday the 13th movie after part 3 is essentially a juvenile but entertaining fire-and-brimstone fantasy.

    Groups of ignorant, obnoxious and disrespectful teenagers trespass on cursed property, get drunk and have lots of unprotected sex, then are gruesomely murdered by righteous superzombie. It's like an R-rated Chick Tract.

    At first, it might have been a guilty pleasure, but by Freddy vs. Jason, Jason Vorhees was basically promoted to full hero status by brutally defeating a similarly superpowered pedophile.

    For bonus points, Jason intentionally spares animals and small children. In part 6, an entire cabin full of youngsters survives unscathed at the center of his rampage, and I guarantee that they went on to lead God-fearing, teetotaling lives.

    Also note how the one teenage girl that inevitably survives is the virginal "outsider" of the group, and that Jason repeatedly half-heartedly attacks her before taking a dive, only to reveal to the audience that he is quite unharmed as soon as she leaves.

  • Pinky

    Ironic that you cited The Exorcism of Emily Rose as a good movie for Christians. You know the true story behind that movie? An epileptic girl's parents were so insane Christian that rather than take her to a doctor, they forced her to undergo grueling "exorcism" rituals for months that eventually led to her death. When the authorities found her body, she was totally malnourished and her knees were almost worn away with being forced to genuflect thousands of times a day. There's your "Christian values." The parents were arrested and convicted of murdering their daughter in one of the most famous court cases in Germany's history. That would have made a much more interesting film, but unfortunately, American film studios are much more willing to distort history than offend the (easily offended) Christian right.

    Also, make up your mind whether you hate American authority or love it. One moment you're talking about the brave military rushing in to save the day, then the next your saying, "Never trust the government to solve problems," then the next you're talking about the brave FBI rushing in to save the day, and so on and so on. You people don't even know what you believe in! It's a perfect representation of your real world policy, too: insisting that the government is too incompetent and inefficient to handle the smallest domestic problem, then immediately insisting that that same government try to build nations in the Middle East! How can you even be argued with when you can't be consistent about whatever the hell your ideology is?

  • Lizard

    That's it Pinky, Hatchet Reagan is coming for you first.

  • Pinky

    Ha!

    The Fly remake totally kicks ass, though. Just watched it last night. Still holds up as a deriously horrific movie, even by today's standard.

  • Mike_M

    "How can you even be argued with when you can't be consistent about whatever the hell your ideology is?"

    Your obvious inability to deal with the truth has no bearing on the validity of our political ideology. Thanks for playing.

  • http://PatriotPost.US bthewolf

    Posted by Pinky

    2009-10-20 14:46:31

    Wow so in TEER we have this insane 'Christian' family that let their daughter die. Got any proof that 1) they were Christian, 2) they were insane and 3) that the movie is based on this family?

    And as far as it goes pinko, there's a significant difference between the moral conduct of the military and the rest of society. And the military is tasked with rebuilding nations after they destroy them, it's been a part of their MO since WWII. Take Germany and Japan as examples and you'll see they do a reasonable job. Whe it comes to the Fed controlling anything there are countless examples of fuck ups from the USPS, AMTRACK, Medicare, SSA, IRS, SEC, TARP, Fannie/Freddie, et al. Hell the military and law enforcement are usually the only things govt does right if not well.

    But please go one being ignorant it's funny to watch.

  • http://guardian.blogdrive.com/ CavalierX

    you cited The Exorcism of Emily Rose as a good movie for Christians.

    Where did anyone do that?

  • Corperate_Cabana

    Posted by mightysamurai

    2009-10-20 13:46:46

    Sometimes that point is true. The 'Fangoria Era' (named after Fangoria magazine), which held sway on horror fandom from 1982 to 1992, was filled with 'gore topping' movies. It sure as hell quenched blood lust, but it began to even make overlooked good horror films and surprise B-movies and STV (straight to video) just as rare as their mainstream counterparts. Now during that period in the eighties, where we get 'Re-Animator' and so on, there was some thought put into them and it showed on screen. Sure that stuff is disgusting, but the whole thing just didn't fall out of the sky: there was lead up, there was a back story, and so on.

    Not necessarily Oscar-worthy story material, but hell horror stuff now is twice as good as what has won Oscars the last few years.

    But unfortunately some movie types get lumped together because of one or a few elements associated with the content.

  • http://PatriotPost.US bthewolf

    Where did anyone do that?

    Posted by CavalierX

    2009-10-20 15:25:31

    That's Pinko, conflating Christian with Conservative, Seriously stupi on it's part. Just ignore that part of Pinko's ranting.

  • http://www.superdickery.com mightysamurai

    That would have made a much more interesting film, but unfortunately, American film studios are much more willing to distort history than offend the (easily offended) Christian right.

    Oh totally. Everyone knows it's perfectly all right to offend Christian conservatives.

    Just don't offend any liberal Muslims, Jews, atheists, or etcetera. That would be wrong.

    Also, make up your mind whether you hate American authority or love it. One moment you're talking about the brave military rushing in to save the day, then the next your saying, "Never trust the government to solve problems," then the next you're talking about the brave FBI rushing in to save the day, and so on and so on.

    *sigh* God you're dumb.

    Do you really not see the distinction between praising members of the military for acts of bravery and characterizing fictional FBI agents as "fundamentally decent", versus saying "the government is trustworthy and can be relied upon to solve your problems"?

    Really?

    Really?

    It's a perfect representation of your real world policy, too: insisting that the government is too incompetent and inefficient to handle the smallest domestic problem, then immediately insisting that that same government try to build nations in the Middle East! How can you even be argued with when you can't be consistent about whatever the hell your ideology is?

    Yeah, because the left-wing philosophy is just so consistent by comparison.

    Giving the government the power to monitor overseas communications between terrorists? That's wrong, it encroaches on our freedoms.

    But giving the government absolute power over our healthcare and bank accounts and surrendering your Second Amendment rights in the name of "safety"? Golly, what could be wrong with that?

  • Bill_Dalasio

    My personal favorite horror movie remains Salem's Lot, the 1979 made-for-TV version by Tobe Hooper. As a movie showing on prime-time network TV, Hooper couldn't rely on the gore and violence he used so successfully with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Instead the film had to rely on the pure frighteningness of certain images. Hooper shows himself to be genuinely a master of his craft. To this day, certain images from the movie haunt me at night.

  • D-Vega

    - Amityville Horror

    - Carrie

    - Arachophobia

    - Creepshow (especially the final story with the roaches)

    - From Beyond

    - Dead Alive

  • http://www.superdickery.com mightysamurai

    Not necessarily Oscar-worthy story material, but hell horror stuff now is twice as good as what has won Oscars the last few years.

    I didn't say they weren't good. I happen to love the Nightmare on Elm Street series (except that one sequel which shall not be named) if only because Freddy Krueger is hilariously entertaining to watch. But it bugs me that the Nightmare on Elm Street series is called a "horror" series despite being not the least bit scary.

  • http://www.superdickery.com mightysamurai

    - Arachophobia

    Good pick. That's another of the few "horror" films made in recent years that I consider legitimately scary.

  • D-Vega

    Another Spielberg gem, mighty.

    Like Poltergeist. A very scary, family movie.

  • Don_cos

    "An Inconvienent Truth". ~ Posted by BIG 2009-10-20 10:41:43

    That's not Horror, it's Sci-Fi.

  • http://PatriotPost.US bthewolf

    That's not Horror, it's Sci-Fi.

    Posted by Don_cos

    2009-10-20 16:34:02

    Sci-fi implies SOME basis in science, I'd say it fits more into Fantasy.

  • D-Vega

    Squirm?

  • Lizard

    If we're talking about something that frightened us when we watched it, I'm going to have to say Signs.

    Mel Gibson as the widowed preacher that rediscovers his faith, Joaquin Phoenix as his MLB-washout brother, and his asthmatic son and quirky daughter. I was scared because I genuinely cared about them and I wanted to see them survive.

  • http://www.thepiratescove.us William_Teach

    Here's an oldy but goody: The Tingler. Guaranteed to make you look at the base boards at night.

  • http://guardian.blogdrive.com/ CavalierX

    To this day, certain images from the movie haunt me at night.

    Years after seeing the movie for the first time, and nowhere near Halloween, I was spending the night in an upstairs bedroom of a house, with no one else home. While getting ready for bed, enjoying the silence, I heard a scratching noise at the window, though there had been no wind when I went up the stairs. I got a serious chill down my spine as, just for a second, I fully expected to turn and see dead Ralphie Glick, floating and grinning and begging to be let in. Now that's what a good horror movie does to you.

  • http://www.superdickery.com mightysamurai

    I was scared because I genuinely cared about them and I wanted to see them survive.

    You know, I think that's the real problem with most "horror" movies today. The stunning lack of likable main characters.

    In most modern "horror" movies, and especially in the teen slasher and "torture porn" movies, the characters are thoroughly un-likable. You don't really care if they survive and you start rooting for the monster or the killer to eviscerate them in new and exciting ways. The worst offenders are probably the Saw franchise (with an honorable mention to the Final Destination franchise). Can you name even one character from any of those movies that wasn't either horribly dull or a total asshole? I can't. So you stop caring about them and start wondering how they're going to die instead.

  • aharris

    When I was five I watched The Blob through the keyhole, and it got into my head. This would be the old version. The carryover from that early scarring was bad enough that I found the remake scary too.

    There was also an old, B-movie called They Came From Within that scared the crap out of me when a was four or five years older.

    Finally, the remake of Dawn of the Dead. The opening zombie scene where the little girl zombie apparently just wanders in through the front door and shows up in the bedroom doorway has me creeped out enough that if I think about it before bed, I have trouble sleeping still.

  • http://conservativebootcamp.com martinhale

    I thought of a film overnight that I hadn't remembered in years – X: The Unknown. It was a Brit horror movie from the mid 1950's and the radioactive blob of mud what was the monster had a bad habit of turning people into crispy critters, but not before melting them and making all sorts of creepy things happen to their bodies before they crisped out.

    I must have been around eight when I saw this film. After I'd seen it, I noticed that there was a single beam of dim light penetrating the dark curtains in my bedroom. It illuminated the closet ever so slightly, and I was convinced that the dim light had something to do with a radioactive blob of mud that was obviously patrolling my neighbourhood looking for little kids like me to melt.

    In retrospect, I think the conservative tie-in was that the film's point was that man couldn't control nature and natural occurrences like blobs of radioactive mud bubbling up from beneath. Fits right in with the what we've been telling our liberal climate alarmist friends – mankind doesn't affect climate – but climate can affect us.

  • sabiticus

    What? No "30 Days of Night"?

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