20 Reasons You Just Might Be A Liberal (2012 Election Edition)
With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, you just might be a liberal if…
1) You get extremely upset about the idea of the government coming into our bedrooms unless it’s to give everyone free birth control.
2) You believe that people who hold the exact same position on gay marriage that Barack Obama did last year are horrible bigots who are unfit to hold office.
3) You think that Mitt Romney, who has raked leaves for old people, helped a dying child with his will, and paid for college educations for kids who became quadriplegics in a car wreck, is less compassionate than Barack Obama who makes fun of kids in the Special Olympics and made his own brother beg other people to get the money to pay for his child’s hospital bill.
4) You think Mitt Romney having an offshore bank account is a bigger deal than Barack Obama forgiving a billion dollars of debt owed to us by the anti-American, pro-terrorist theocrats who run Egypt.
5) You believe that Obama putting more Americans on food stamps than any other President in history is a feature, not a bug.
6) You get angry because you believe rich Americans aren’t paying their “fair share,” but you don’t question whether the government is spending its “fair share” of the money that other people earned on the Stimulus, cash for clunkers, Solyndra, and other wasteful uses of our tax dollars.
7) You think Halliburton bidding for and winning government contracts was a scandal since Dick Cheney used to work there, but you think Barack Obama giving away 25 billion dollars in taxpayer money to help out his union cronies at GM and Chevrolet is honest and above reproach.
8) You believe anti-war protests, dead soldiers, and “grim milestones” ceased to be important the moment Barack Obama was elected and chose to continue many of the same practices he criticized when he ran for office in 2008.
9) You think Mitt Romney putting his dog on top of his car to take on his vacation is a big deal, but Barack Obama eating a dog to GAIN ITS POWERS isn’t.
10) You think the key issues of Election 2012 are whether Romney releases his old tax returns as opposed to which candidate can help get the economy back on track, create jobs, and get the debt under control.
11) You don’t believe there’s any voter fraud in America after watching Democrats commit voter fraud on the floor of their own convention to put God and Jerusalem as the capital of Israel back into their party platform.
12) You believe that most of the people who are criticizing Barack Obama are doing it because he’s black, but you would be offended if someone said the only reason you criticize Mitt Romney is because you hate Mormons.
13) You think that the best way to “save Medicare” is to support Barack Obama, who took $718 billion out of the program to fund Obamacare, over Mitt Romney who would kill Obamacare and put that money back in the program.
14) You believe Bush is a war criminal for creating Gitmo and wasting terrorists with drone attacks, but Barack Obama is just doing what he has to do to keep us safe.
15) You get more upset about what Mitt Romney does with his money than Barack Obama does with our money.
16) You think that giving the SEALs permission to kill Osama Bin Laden is actually a “gutsy call” as opposed to the same call pretty much any adult American not named Louis Farrakhan or Michael Moore would have made.
17) You think Barack Obama’s four years of miserable failure at creating jobs makes him better qualified to get the economy going than Mitt Romney’s wildly successful career as an entrepreneur.
18) You are demanding that the GOP cease its “war on women” by agreeing to the government-funded abortions of tens of millions of unborn women.
19) You believe that guns are dangerous and should be heavily regulated, that is unless they’re being given to Mexican cartels by the Department of Justice, in which case you think anything goes.
20) You accept the idea that George W. Bush is responsible for all the problems we have now because the President of the United States is so powerful, but you also believe that Barack Obama isn’t responsible for anything that’s going wrong because Republicans in Congress won’t let him do anything he wants.