6 Arguments Only A Liberal Could Believe
“Arguing with liberals…it’s like playing chess with a pigeon; no matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over the pieces, crap on the board and strut around like it’s victorious.” — Anonymous
“If you can somehow force a liberal into a point-counterpoint argument, his retorts will bear no relation to what you’ve said – unless you were in fact talking about your looks, your age, your weight, your personal obsessions, or whether you are a fascist. In the famous liberal two-step, they leap from one idiotic point to the next, so you can never nail them. It’s like arguing with someone with Attention Deficit Disorder.” — Ann Coulter
It’s almost impossible to have any kind of meaningful discussion with a liberal because while you’re trying to come up with logical points to support your position, he’s trying to come up with new ways to convince people you’re Hitler. Modern liberalism has turned into a willful embrace of stupidity. It’s all about setting reason and intellect aside in order to take an emotionally-satisfying position that makes a liberal feel better about himself. This is how people who are undeniably intelligent can feel good about taking brainless positions that hurt a lot of people. While liberals have emotionally blinded themselves so totally that they believe they’re taking compassionate, intellectual, well-crafted stands, this is how they sound to everyone who’s not a liberal.
1) Everyone who disagrees with a liberal is racist! The Tea Party? Racist! Republicans? Racist! Fox News? Racist? Black conservatives? Racist! Barack Obama’s grandma? Racist! Do I think Social Security is solvent? My position on that is that “You’re a racist!” What do I think about flattening the tax code? Sarah Palin is a racist! Do I like potatoes? Well, Republicans eat potatoes sometimes; so potatoes are racist! Racist, racist, racist!
2) We’re all going to die because man is causing global warming! Proof? It’s science! Granted, no one can explain the science that proves global warming. But, science isn’t about science, it’s about repeating the word “science” over and over again like a magic incantation. Science, science, sciencey, sciencey science! See? It’s science and scientists agree that it’s science! Why do you hate science so much? Why do you want polar bears to die? Oh, and science!
3) (Before Obamacare was passed) Everyone should support Obamacare because it will cover all of the uninsured, it’ll save you money on health care, you’ll get to keep your doctor and it’ll be super convenient! It’s going to be the greatest thing ever! (Now) Sure, Obamacare mostly insures people it knocked off of their existing insurance, it costs a lot more, you can’t keep your doctor and the website is insanely difficult to deal with, but it’s the greatest thing ever!
4) Guns cause crime and if we take guns away from people who haven’t broken the law yet, then criminals will also not have guns somehow. Gun-free zones also protect people from criminals, who we’re sure won’t enter “gun-free zones” for some reason. Unless they do…. Which proves the problem is actually law abiding gun owners somehow or another. And that’s why we need more and more gun laws until all the people who obey gun laws can’t have guns any more, which will save us from criminals and crazy people who don’t care about the law.
5) You can’t expect black people to get voter ID. I mean, white guys? Sure. Hispanics? No problem. Asians and Jews? Obviously. But, have you met any black people in your life? You really think they’re capable of going to a government office with the proper paperwork and coming out with identification with their name on it? These guys? Seriously? Seriously? Okay, well, right after you run across a black American who can figure out how to get his own ID, why don’t we set up classrooms to teach cats how to do Algebra. Hey, Mr. Kitty, 3x + 10 + 2x = 12 + 4x? Black people getting IDs? Geeze….
6) Republicans are waging a war on women! You can tell because they oppose killing female babies and think women should buy their own birth control, just like men! Also, they’re so mean to women! For example, they oppose Hillary Clinton becoming President — obviously because she’s a woman. All criticism of women from conservatives is based on gender. Not like criticism of that @%$#^ Sarah Palin, who is so incredibly, unbelievably stupid that she only managed to become a mayor, a governor, a VP candidate, put out best selling books, had a successful TV show and became a wealthy, sought-after speaker while getting married and having 5 kids. She’s almost as bad as those @#$%!*$ — Michelle Malkin, S.E. Cupp, and Dana Loesch, although a little more evil than Ann Coulter and Megyn Kelly and more of a @#%@^$%^ #@$%^&(*^ @#$%^ than Laura Ingraham and Jan Brewer! Also, conservatives call women names!
I’m turning into my father. About this time every year, my father pulls me aside and asks me to tell
Where are Americans moving, and why? Timothy Noah, writing in the Washington Monthly, professes to be puzzled. He points out