Feeling a little older today? Blame Bush. He secretly moved your clock ahead as you lay sleeping last Sunday, effectively shortening your day by one hour and pushing you sixty minutes closer to the grave.

Sure, one hour doesn't seem like much - until you consider that a child born today (should his mother foolishly decide to carry her unwanted pregnancy to term), would discover on his 72nd birthday that he was somehow cheated out of three whole days of life. That's three days he will never be able to spend with his grandchildren, should his own children foolishly decide to carry their pregancies to term. It's three days that he won't enjoy a nice walk in the park with his same-sex domestic life partner. Three whole days that he won't be able to collect social security.

What a coinky dink.

Of course, this is all old hat. The neocons have been robbing us of our retirement for years, only they don't call it "stealing". They call it "Daylight Savings Time". It's for the good of society, they tell us. It'll save energy, boost the economy, and prevent male-pattern baldness. And don't worry, they'll give us back an hour come November so it all evens out.

I guess the Chimp will just reach into his magic Santa Sack and dole out free hours to everyone as easily as he does tax cuts for the wealthiest percent of Americans. Either that, or he'll just slow the rotation of the earth. But if he thinks he can trick Congress into approving that idea the way he tricked them into voting for the war in Iraq, he's got another thing coming.

This satire was used with the permission of BlameBush!.