I buy a lot of items on eBay, usually oddball stuff that I can't find at the local Wal-Mart. Today, I took a tour through the "weird" section on eBay and there was one item that just stood out above all the others.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to the, THE TESLA SHIELD™ SPIRITUAL TECHNOLOGY FOR THE SOUL", which is selling for the low, low price of only $89.95.

Here's what this purple thing-a-ma-fraud claims to be able to do for you with it's "Purple energy shield,"

Protection against EMF and electromagnetic radiation

Increases energy levels

Heals on all levels of mind body and soul

Delays fatigue

Increases physical strength and stamina

Enhances quality of sleep

Retards aging

DNA repair

Completely clears negative energies

Acts as a 24/7 psychic shield

Energises food and water

Beneficial energy for animals and plants

Improves intuition

Assists connection to the divine source

Increases psychic abilities

Enhances meditation and prayer

Facilitates ascension

Increases synchronicity

Enhances manifesting skills

Facilitates astral projection and lucid dreaming

Use as a pendulum in chakra and aura balancing

Use as a transmitter pendulum in distant healing

Use as a tuning pendulum in radionics

Use as a pendulum for radiesthesia and dowsing

Wow, you don't see a lot of products that can "retard..aging," "Increase...psychic abilities," AND "Facilitate...astral projection and lucid dreaming." I mean normally, you'd need what, 4 or 5 different hard to collect products to do all that, am I right? I mean we're talking a dollop of virgin's blood, a harpy feather, a troll claw, and at least a half dozen newt eyes and that's before the coven of witches/werewolves howl over the whole concoction during the first full moon during a leap year.

So, to have all of those great effects in one "Tesla Shield" is just amazing. Perhaps that's why the feedback from the people who actually spent $89.95 each to buy this trinket is so outstanding -- no really, I kid you not.

Here's some very representative eBay feedback from people who bought "The Tesla Shield,"

"Incredible power!!!!!!!! Everyone should have one!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Hoping I get the same results as I did with the Beam Ray! That machine is great!"

"I love this shield. Great product, fast shipping. Great seller."

"Great!! Seller I love my Tesla."

The total feedback score for this seller? 100% positive after selling people a piece of worthless purple junk for $89.95. I'm surprised someone hasn't hired this con artist and put him to work in DC yet...