If defending your own home from hordes of rock-throwing thugs by waving a stick at them counts as assault in Britain, why not this?

Julie Lake, daughter of a WWII RAF pilot, was fed up after witnessing years of vandalism and antisocial behavior at a memorial to those who died defending Britain, where gangs of spoiled punks run wild amid the ruins of a great civilization. She learned from experience that calling the police is futile. On seeing a snot-nosed brat ride a BMX bike through freshly laid flower beds, she grabbed the ringleader by the collar and gave him a talking-to.

The jeering gang surrounded her, shoved her, and shouted:

You can't touch us, we're 15, we can do what the f*** we like.

Authorities resolved the incident by convicting Mrs. Lake of assault, criminal damage, and a public order offense. A judge chastised her for her "complete lack of self-control." She was forced to pay £400 for throwing down a bicycle, which should amount to a year's supply of spray paint for the vandals, none of whom was arrested.

As always, taxpayers are the biggest losers. The farcical trial cost £100,000.

The situation in Britain is incomprehensible, yet simple. Moonbattery has resulted in the country being run by evil lunatics. If you are not an evil lunatic, and you fail to keep your head down, you will be punished. On the positive side… there is no positive side — unless you're an evil lunatic, in which case the world is your oyster.

On a tip from Bill V. Cross-posted at Moonbattery.