Comrades, revise your Newspeak dictionaries at once:

The European Parliament has banned the terms 'Miss' and 'Mrs' in case they offend female MEPs.

The politically correct rules also mean a ban on Continental titles, such as Madame and Mademoiselle, Frau and Fraulein and Senora and Senorita.

Guidance issued in a new 'Gender-Neutral Language' pamphlet instead orders politicians to address female members by their full name only.

Officials have also ordered that 'sportsmen' be called 'athletes', 'statesmen' be referred to as 'political leaders' and even that 'synthetic' or 'artificial' be used instead of 'man-made'.

The guidance lists banned terms for describing professions, including fireman, air hostess, headmaster, policeman, salesman, manageress, cinema usherette and male nurse.

To show that the EP isn't quite totalitarian, the terms "midwife," "waiter," and "waitress" will continue to be permitted for the time being.

Think of the trees that will be saved as our dictionaries become ever slimmer with each word that is erased from the language in the name of political correctness.

Other helpful EU directives include a requirement that all rubber boots be accompanied by a user's manual in 12 languages.

Cross-posted at Moonbattery.