The Best Mitt Romney Affair Story EVER

Political junkies like us tend to assume that just because we’ve heard a name so many times we’re ready to vomit, that everybody has, too. For example, you might think that EVERYBODY knows who Mitt Romney is by now.

Well, let me introduce you to Lowell Turpin.

Suspicious that his live-in girlfriend was planning an affair, a Tennessee man confronted the woman after spotting a photo of an unknown guy on her Facebook page, according to a police report.

Lowell Turpin, 40, “angrily demanded to know who the male was,” reported Anderson County Sheriff’s Department investigators.

Crystal Gray, 38, “replied that it was a picture of Mitt Romney.”

Despite being informed that the man on Gray’s wall was the presumptive Republican presidential candidate (and not some hunky, severely conservative sidepiece), Turpin apparently was not placated. Gray said that he “became upset because she was attempting to communicate with friends through her Facebook account.”

In a subsequent tussle over the laptop, Gray’s hand was injured as she unsuccessfully tried to stop Turpin form smashing the computer against the wall. Gray told deputies that Turpin, pictured in the above mug shot, also punched her in the face during the encounter.

First of all, let me note that it’s puzzling that any woman would want to cheat on such a classy, informed, well-behaved fellow, but there’s no accounting for taste, I suppose. Of course, the real scandal here is that Mitt Romney cheated on his wife to break up Lowell Turpin’s happy home — at least that’s what the Obama campaign’s ads will probably say. That would be just as honest as the ads it’s been cutting on his taxes, so why not at this point?

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