The Top 7 Super Important Scientific Studies I’d Like To See The Obama Administration To Fund

The Top 7 Super Important Scientific Studies I’d Like To See The Obama Administration To Fund

Good news, everybody! America may be broke, but we still have the money to waste on some of the most frivolous “scientific projects” imaginable.

At a time when the government is struggling with record deficits, he said the agency is an example of the kinds of spending taxpayers should not tolerate.

“There is little, if any, obvious scientific benefit to some NSF projects, such as a YouTube rap video, a review of event ticket prices on stubhub.com, a ‘robot hoedown and rodeo,’ or a virtual recreation of the 1964/65 New York World’s Fair,” Mr. Coburn wrote to taxpayers in introducing the 73-page report, which has more than 350 footnotes.

In one instance, he said NSF employees, in their spare time, engaged in a jello-wrestling contest at the agency’s McMurdo research station in Antarctica. In another instance, the agency paid $559,681 to test sick shrimps’ metabolism, which one researcher said was “the first time that shrimp have been exercised on a treadmill.”

Mr. Coburn’s report noted that the researchers found sick shrimp “did not perform as well and did not recover as well from exercise as healthy shrimp.”

If we can waste tax dollars on putting shrimp on jello-wrestling contests, then why not spend a few million on some other worthwhile projects?

7) Studying who’d win in a fight: Baby Koalas vs. Baby Sloths!

6) Two words: Jurassic Park!

5) Two more words: Flying cars!

4) Exploring how to create calorie free donuts.

3) Finding ways to insert more bacon and Ninajs into day-to-day life.

2) Researching why Donald Trump does his hair like that.

1) Studying the impact of giving conservative bloggers 1 million dollar cash stipends.

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