Al-Queda’s Latest Financial Venture
Al-Queda’s Latest Financial Venture: As per usual, the Weekly World News has scooped the mainstream press with the latest news about Al Qaeda …
“Desperate Al Qaeda fighters have borrowed from a time-honored American tradition to raise money for their next cowardly assault on the U.S. — by running a camel wash service!”
Al Qaeda must be stopped! That’s why all loyal, patriotic Americans will shoot every camel they see…as well as every horse, cow, cat, and endangered species that Al-Queda might wash for cash…except fluffy, lovable, dogs.
“A CIA operative who poses as a regular customer explains, “It’s no secret that the ‘War On Terror’ has left Al Qaeda financially crippled, but what they are doing here is downright pathetic,” says the agent, who spoke under condition of anonymity.
“They’re out there scrubbing away like a high school cheerleading squad. They even have soap and water fights from time to time.”
“We’ll send all these camel-cleaners to our terrorist prison camp in Cuba. But first, we want to show the world what Osama’s big bad Jihad warriors have been reduced to.”
…The camel-washers remain blissfully ignorant of their impending shutdown.
One cheerful employee chirps, “Bring in your beast. We’ll bust our humps to get it clean.”
Send them to Cuba? I’m more inclined to see them sent to their 72 virgins a little early with a hostile takeover executed with Tomahawk missiles.
Then there’s this chilling story from the Weekly World News…Saddam has signed a deal with Satan!
“Widespread rumors that Iraqi madman Saddam Hussein has signed a sinister pact with the Devil appear to have been confirmed — when a photograph surfaced showing the brutal dictator shaking hands with a horned figure with flaming-red skin!
The bizarre photo was purportedly taken in late October by a former Hussein henchman, Lt. Col. Ali Mazhar, who defected to Kuwait and passed the picture on to the CIA.
Chillingly, Lt. Col. Mazhar claims that in the contract, Satan guarantees “complete and total victory over the United States.”
Having Satan himself on your side is quite the strategic advantage. Just look at how famous and rich Maureen Dowd, Vanilla Ice, and Yassir Arafat have become after signing deals with Satan and it’s obvious that Satan’s ability to turn losers like Saddam into winners is almost unlimited. But, there is a solution. We change the name of our country to something like, “Super Crazy Fun Country” or “Ramboland” and then we force every mapmaker in the world to change the name of France to “The United States of America” on their maps. That means we’ll still be able to wipe out Saddam and France will be obliterated by Satan. So it’s a win/win situation for everyone!