Baby Jesus Has Been Kidnapped?

by John Hawkins | December 17, 2002 11:59 pm

Baby Jesus Has Been Kidnapped?: Now Al-Queda has gone and done it[1]…

“(T)he baby Jesus statue was gone — kidnapped from the front lawn of Tom and Candy Konczos who last night remained mystified as to why someone would swipe the religious ornament from their Daniels Street front lawn, and then demand cash to get it back.”

What kind of monster would make his followers kidnap baby Jesus? Could it be…Osama Bin Laden?!?!? The ransom note — that’s right — there was a ransom note for baby Jesus — might as well have been signed by Bin Laden himself…

“TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: WE HAVE YOUR BABY JESUS. IF YOU EVER WANNA SEE YOUR BABY JESUS AGAIN, LEAVE 800 DOLLARS IN SMALL BILLS, NOT TRACEABLE, IN THE MAILBOX OF … WE WILL CONTACT YOU LATER WITH FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS. YOURS TRULY.”

The note was signed by “Me, him and the other kid who was really scared and didn’t want to take your baby Jesus and the whole time all he did was say stuff like you’re going to hell, this isn’t right, stop.”

800 dollars buys a lot of explosives in a Third World country! And who else but a terrorist would write in all caps? Someone call John Ashcroft — it’s time to release the Predators! Then if we some bunch of guys walking down the street carrying baby Jesus — we wait for them to set him down and then it’ll be time for a “trial by Hellfire missile!” No terrorist who kidnaps baby Jesus deserves to make it to Gitmo alive….Hey you guys in the DOJ — happy hunting!

Thanks to Sand In The Gears[2] for finding the story.

PS: For all you humor impaired left-wingers reading the page — yes the story is real but I was kidding around in my response.