China Attacks!

China Attacks!: There are plenty of startlingly inaccurate news sources on the web like Arab News, the DEBKAfile, and Indy Media. But none of them racks up style points like the Weekly World News. Now it wouldn’t surprise me to see any of the three previously mentioned mags claim that China was going to invade the US, but none of them have the sort of imagination required to come up with something this creative…

Communism-crazed leaders in Red China have reportedly embarked on a bizarre new plan to invade America — by digging a tunnel right through the center of the Earth!

…”If all goes according to plan, within six years they’ll break through on the other side, we believe somewhere in Oklahoma, around the Bartlesville area,” reveals the high-level source at the National Security Agency (NSA).

As if that wasn’t good enough, check out this imagery….

“Roughly 500 million bloodthirsty, screaming Chinese troops will come pouring out of that hole — hell-bent on a bold mission to conquer the United States, reduce our people to slavery and seize all our women.”

How’s this for a closer?

“China has over a billion people and it doesn’t have the resources to feed them…They need grain, they need land — and most of all, they need women.”

Even the French conspiracy theorist who claims that a plane never hit the Pentagon should tip his hat to that sort of inspired writing.

PS: Don’t be surprised if this turns up in a New York Times editorial as another reason we shouldn’t invade Iraq. They’ve tried everything else, so why not this?

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