“Do You Feel You May Be In A Haunting? I Offer Exceptional Services”

Over at Live Person, which is a nifty website that lets you pay per minute to talk to experts in just about everything, I ran across one “expert” whose services were just so exceptional that I had to write about them.

His name? mOOn mOnkey. His cost? $2.85 per minute. His services?

“Having uneasy feelings in your home, are you feeling unexplained itching or feeling your being watched? Do you feel you may be in a haunting? I offer exceptional services.”

In other words,

If there’s something strange
in your neighborhood

Who you gonna call?
mOOn mOnkey!

If there’s something weird
and it don’t look good

Who you gonna call?
mOOn mOnkey!

But wait — how do you know if you need to spend $2.85 per minute discussing your problems with someone named mOOn mOnkey? Well, from his page, here are just some of the many clues!

My Expert Service

…Are there unexplained shadows – the sighting of fleeting shapes and shadows, usually seen out of the corner of the eye, which are known now as “Shadow People.” Many times, the shadows have vaguely human forms, while other times they are less distinguishable or smaller.

…Are you experiencing the “Old Hag” Syndrome,(a.k.a Incubus, succubus and Sleep paralysis) then I am the person to come see!

…Not all haunting’s are from “Dead people” they can occur from beings(entities) from other planes/dimensions, they can even be from Spiritual warfare or “Astral intrusion”, “paranormal haunting’s, supernatural haunting’s are used interchangeably however may not be the same, want to know more than come see me!

…Haunting’s do not only take place in homes they can be active in cars, garages, out doors, public places such as theaters, restaurants, objects such as mirrors, jewelry, etc, this is often referred to as “enchanted objects”.

…Honestly I know what I speak of, all you need to do is come talk with me, to know I am the real deal!

Let’s face it, folks — if you’ve got shadow people in the corners of your house, astral intrusions in the garage, and your favorite restaurant has become haunted, you can’t just grab the yellow pages and call someone to fix it.

And it’s worth noting — and this is my favorite part — mOOn mOnkey has 3869 reviews and an average rating of 5 out of 5 stars. Here are a few of the actual comments from the reviews,

The one and only TRUE psychic on Liveperson. No BS, just straight truth. I tell him nothing and he already knows how I am feeling, and my situation. Gives awesome advice. I will never use another psychic on this site again except for him. You must try him.

ASIDE FROM BEING MY PERSONAL PSYCHIC HE IS ALSO MY MENTOR. HE IS ALWAYS DEPENDABLE, FULLY CONNECT WITH ME ALWAYS HIT NAILS ON THE HEAD..

Unbelievable… cannot believe I ran out of funds. Stand-by Moon Monkey and I’ll call back!

ALL of Moons predictions came thru! All 3 of them, on career/job outlook, living location and the outcome of an event! Another 5 star indeed!! Thank you so much!!

he was spot on and its my first time someone reads me without me giving my birthdate nor any information of the other party not even his first name. seriously, i’m amazed – very very psychic..

Using my psychic powers, I can tell you some things about these people. I am getting something. It’s becoming clearer. Ok, ok, these people are very, very gullible. Wait, I’m getting something else here. Oh, it’s clear as a bell now! These people easily mistake cold reading techniques for psychic powers!

Oh wait, now I’m getting something from the person reading this post. You’re thinking that this guy is scamming these people by pretending to have psychic powers. You’re right, but given how good he seems to be at it, you should be thrilled he’s doing this instead of running some sort of suicide cult or getting elected to Congress, where he’d be re-elected despite having a lover-run prostitution ring out of his living room. Then, he’d go on to help melt down the entire economy, after which, his constituents would re-elect him to Congress again. Trust me, my friend, in the scheme of things, there are people much worse than online psychics.

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