In My World: No Preconditions — Satire By Frank J.
“It’s good to finally meet with you,” Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said to President Obama, “and I am happy you didn’t insist on any preconditions. I just want to start these talks by saying there was no Holocaust.”
Obama sat there silently.
“Furthermore,” Ahmadinejad continued, “I will destroy Israel and dance around its stinking corpse!”
Obama said nothing.
“I also plan to obtain nuclear weapons and use them against the Jews. Or America. Maybe against Jewish Americans.”
Obama did not respond.
“By the way, in honor of your visit, we’re hanging a teenager for being a homosexual and stoning a woman for being raped. Then we’re throwing a small child into a pit of snakes for conspiring with the infidel Elmo.”
Obama continued to be silent, not even looking directly at Ahmadinejad but somewhat past him.
“I will destroy America!” Ahmadinejad shouted. “I will then dance around its stinking corpse which will be a much bigger stinking corpse than Israel’s — like a beached whale. And I will be able to destroy America because I have the power of Grayskull… I mean Allah!”
Obama said not a word.
Ahmadinejad shot to his feet. “I mock and deride America’s freedom! I spit on it, and I spit on you!” He spat on Obama.
Obama didn’t even move.
“I will destroy everything you hold dear. Freedom will be destroyed! I think so little of you and your country that I shall urinate upon you!” Ahmadinejad pulled down his pants and peed on Obama’s leg. “There! I am urinating on you and… Oh. I got a little on myself. This may have been a little overboard. Anyway, I have urinated mainly on you; do you have nothing to say?”
Obama had nothing to say.
“Furthermore…” Ahmadinejad grabbed one of Obama’s shoes and pulled it off. He then squatted over it. “I am now defecating in your shoe! This is how little I think of you and your country! Say something, fool! Say something now that I have pooed in your shoe!”
Obama finally looked directly at Ahmadinejad and motioned for him to come closer. When Ahmadinejad did, Obama whispered in his ear, “They’re still loading my teleprompter.”
Ahmadinejad looked around and then whispered back, “Well… how long will that take?”
“I don’t know. It seems to be malfunctioning. It could take a few minutes.”
Ahmadinejad thought for a moment and then whispered, “So what do we talk about until then?”
“Um… well… did you see Gossip Girl last night?”
This satire was used with the permission of IMAO.