Iraqi Voter Translation Guide

Iraqi Voter Translation Guide: It looks like Saddam Hussein is once again going to pull 99% of Iraqi vote. That old tyrant is quite the charmer huh? Of course, they do monitor your vote in Iraq and if you vote against Saddam it probably means a trip to prison. So it’s really sort of surprising that some people actually vote against “Sodom” (as Bush 41 liked to call him.) So how can we really find out what the Iraqi people think when they’re being monitored by government officials constantly? Well, you just have to know how to translate what they’re saying. Let’s take some quotes from this article in the Washington Post about the election.

Iraqi Kifah Kazem speculates on the percentage of the vote Saddam will receive, “God willing, this time it will be 100 percent. It will be an expression of our love for our president.”

Translation: Saddam fed my cousin Ali to wild dogs right in front of me when I was 16. I will cheer like a Palestinian when he is dead! May Allah make his passing from this world painful!

Information Minister Mohammed Saeed Sahhaf had this to say, “The political and international circumstances, and the American and Zionist threats, have given the referendum a new meaning. It’s a blow to these criminals.”

Translation: The CIA promised me American citizenship if I would show them where the Saddam stores most of his anthrax. I can’t wait to take my kids to Disneyland!

Mechanic Bahjed Mika Yacoub says, “We’re not calling for war. We’re calling for peace. We want America to be careful with all human beings. We hate war.”

Translation: Watch where you’re slinging those smart bombs you crazy Americans! I promised myself ten years ago that I would dance on Saddam’s grave and I want to live long enough to actually do it!

Never fear my Iraqi friends, your liberators will be there soon enough!

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