Smug Slate Moonbats Express Their True Thoughts

Like their grotesquely presumptuous messiah, moonbats are getting a little ahead of themselves, as they gloat tastelessly over the results of an election that hasn’t happened yet. Crows Slate’s Timothy Noah:

There’s a new scent in the air. If you’re a Democrat, you haven’t felt it tickle your nostrils since October 1996, when everybody knew that Bill Clinton was about to beat Bob Dole.

Now that everyone supposedly knows that moonbats are going to have carte blanche to inflict their warped ideology on the country they so enjoy berating, they can creep out from under their rocks and pop the mental pustules that serve them as thoughts. Here are some actual examples, collected by Noah from other Slate writers:

• I think Karl Marx had some valuable insights into capitalist economies!
• The Second Amendment does too allow government to ban handguns!
• Let’s standardize the federal age of consent at 16!
• Promiscuity between consenting adults is good exercise!
• Health care is a service, not a business!
• I don’t support the troops. I support some troops, depending on whether or not they’ve committed war crimes!
No more wars without United Nations or at least NATO support!
• Saving the boulder darter was worth a few thousand jobs!
• If Eastern Europeans think NATO will go to war to defend them against Russia, they’re out of their minds!
• Ditto if Taiwan thinks the United States will go to war to defend it against China!
• Let’s teach evolution in Sunday school!
• The military-industrial complex is a greater menace than most foreign nations!
• If Israel isn’t out of the occupied territories in six months, we’ll cut off all aid.
• Higher gas prices are good because they make everybody bike and take public transit like they should!
• America isn’t the greatest nation in the world. We think it is only because it’s our country. Duh!
• America won’t be the world’s most powerful nation forever. And you know what? Handing that responsibility off will be a relief!
• America’s official languages should be English and Spanish!
• Judges should legislate from the bench if they want to.
What’s so great about the Judeo-Christian tradition?
Big-city values are better than small-town values!
I’m glad the Muslims whupped the Christians during the Crusades! Served ’em right!
• We need a shorter work week!
• We’re undertaxed. Look at Europe!
• Terrorism isn’t that big a threat to America!
• Let’s bring back the era of big government.
• It’s not enough that the top 5 percent pays 55 percent of our taxes. Why not 75 percent?
• Many welfare moms kicked off the rolls by the 1996 welfare-reform bill are worse off in their crappy jobs!
• Ronald Reagan was a crummy president!
• Broad availability of gay marriage: good. Broad availability of gay divorce: better!
Pornography is good for your marriage because it teaches you new sexual techniques!
• The problem with public schools is private schools!

Vermin this flaky, degenerate, and vile really could have full control of the government soon, so put the clothespin on your nose and cast your vote for McCain.

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

On a tip from V the K. Cross-posted at Moonbattery.

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