Sri Lanka Dumps ‘Wacky Names’ to Draw More U.S. Aid By Scott Ott

The government of Sri Lanka (which is a nation) today announced it would “ditch the wacky names” in a bid to attract more foreign aid from the United States. Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, now receives a few million dollars annually in U.S. aid, and has been torn by civil war for 20 years.

“Our focus group studies show that Americans would be more interested in our plight if they could pronounce the names of our top government officials,” said President Chandrika Kumaratunga. “From now on, please call me President Chad.”

Yesterday, President Chad fired her defense, interior and media ministers while Prime Minister Ranil Wickremesinghe was visiting Washington D.C. in preparation for a meeting with President George Bush on Wednesday.

“The ministers refused to change their names, so I fired them,” she said. “Can you imagine George Bush trying to pronounce the names of Defense Minister Tilak Marapone, Interior Minister John Amaratunga and Information Minister Imthiaz Bakeer Markar. I would love to be a fly on the wall in Bush’s meeting with Ranil Wickremesinghe.”

President Chad said she had also renamed Sri Lanka, which will now be known as Sanka.

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.

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