The Aliens Are Coming And The UN Is In Charge?
The Aliens Are Coming And The UN Is In Charge?: As usual, the Weekly World News has scooped everyone with news of a pending alien invasion. That’s right — ET is back with 60 billion of his little buddies and they’re ready to take us out…
“A powerful race of space aliens has returned to Earth after thousands of years – and they want their planet back!
It’s the alarming word from U.N. sources who say that extraterrestrials have told them they originated on Earth – and now they’ve come to reclaim their birth world.”
Great, we’re about to be overrun by 60 billion “space tourists.” On the upside, all the hotels will be booked, the restaurants will be full, and we’ll sell billions of T-shirts that say, “I went to Earth and all I got was this stupid T-shirt”. On the other hand, they may view vacationing the same way the Mongols did, “Hello Mr. Kahn, would you like to buy a…hey be careful with that torch…why did you set my house on fire…what are you doing with that sword…aieiieieieieieieie!”
The article goes on to explain why we have to let the aliens take over — it’s reasoning that I’m sure Kofi Annan would heartily approve of…
“Besides, international law happens to be on their side. This was their planet first. If they really want to reclaim Earth, they’re entitled to it.”
If you thought the news was bad — it’s about to get worse. The aliens are environmental whackos. Yes, we’re about to be invaded by 60 billion tree hugging, frog licking, granola eating, bicycle riding greenies….
“They see how we’ve polluted their homeland, and it ticks them off,” said the U.N. source. “According to the Xor ‘ke Ber, their home world was once a paradise like the Garden of Eden – now it’s covered with billboards and factories. In their view, we’ve ruined it.
“When they land, they plan to raze our cities and return Earth to its former pastoral beauty.”
Last but not least, look at the moronic way that the UN wants to deal with the problem…
“According to a tentative plan being hammered out by the U.N., Earth will be divided, with the more-populous aliens getting North and South America, Asia, Europe and Antarctica, and humans resettled in Africa and Australia. If all goes according to schedule, the mass exodus could begin by 2008.”
How in the world did they pick Africa and Australia?!?!? Did they figure all the poisonous snakes would scare the aliens away? The fictional UN in this story is just as dumb as the UN is in real life. But why would we just surrender anyway? Anyone who’s ever watched movies knows that all aliens have some sort of fatal weakness we can take advantage of. Either water is like acid to them, or Slim Whitman records kill them, or they’ll become vulnerable when their shields drop after their “mothership” is destroyed by a virus. One way or the other — humanity will prevail just like we did in all those Star Trek episodes!!!