The Top Ten Ways To Get North Korea To Resume Talks — Satire By Frank J.

10. Have Bush stop referring to Kim Jong Il as “Poofy Goofy.”

9. Have talks in Korean instead of the customary ancient Aramaic.

8. Make sure there is free pizza, because I know from experience at college that conferences are more likely to have people show up if there is free pizza.

7. Advertise event as “Disarmament Talks and Karaoke Contest.”

6. Chain Donald Rumsfeld to a radiator to lessen the chance of him fulfilling his vow that he’ll “squeeze the neck of the poofy-haired one until he is dead.”

5. Have the Japanese bring to the talks some of those overly violent, porn-filled cartoons they’re so famous for. Everyone loves those.

4. Special deal this time only – make three concessions, get one free!

3. Have some people there for Kim Jong Il to oppress (maybe some Democrats from Congress) so he’ll feel more at home.

2. Promise Kim Jong Il that we won’t invade his country while he’s temporarily away.

And the number one way to get North Korea to resume talks…

1. All attendees get a lifetime supply of hair gel!

This satire was used with the permission of Frank J. at IMAO.

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