The world would be so much nicer if not for all these people.

Pregnant, are you? Gonna have a baby?

Why? Do you hate the planet that much?

For people who are looking for ways to reduce their “carbon footprint,” here’s one radical idea that could have a big long-term impact, some scientists say: Have fewer kids.

A study by statisticians at Oregon State University concluded that in the United States, the carbon legacy and greenhouse gas impact of an extra child is almost 20 times more important than some of the other environment-friendly practices people might employ during their entire lives – things like driving a high mileage car, recycling, or using energy-efficient appliances and light bulbs.

See, having kids is bad for your social life; bad for your investment portfolio; bad for your collection of vintage Star Wars toys. And it’s even worse for the planet than driving a Hummer on poorly-inflated tires and throwing your empty beer cans into the trash! It goes way beyond the greenhouse gases produced by a teenage boy digesting his own weight in county fair hotdogs and fried cheese curds.

And that’s really saying something. Believe me. I know.

I love these stories. Love. Them. Cows are bad for the environment; moose; Jewish Hanukkah candles; kids. Obesity, because it takes more gasoline to move fat people from A to B, which translates right back into the whole kids angle.

For example, my family of 6 (that’s right: four kids) can’t all squeeze into my car, with its 30 mpg. We have to use the minivan, which gets 18 mpg on a good day, with a tailwind.

Plus, those kids do grow, don’t they? And you can’t not feed them. It’s against the law. I checked. The more they grow, the more food they consume (and little is worse for the environment than mass agriculture) and the more gas we use.

And then their grubby little hands smear melted chocolate all over your shirt!

Luckily enough:

For the first time in over a decade, the U.S. birth rate has dropped and some industry analysts are blaming the recession.

See, people have less money, they’re worried about the future, so they put off having kids a little longer, and Mother Earth’s morning coughing fits get better. Just a bit.

So a great, big thank you to President Obama and his economic team. Their policies will have people thinking twice about having kids for a long time to come.

(Lance Burri blogs at The TrogloPundit)

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