“Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… Mass Extinction!”

We’re doomed!

Mass extinctions have served as huge reset buttons that dramatically changed the diversity of species found in oceans all over the world, according to a comprehensive study of fossil records.

Get ready, now. Here comes the bold prediction:

The findings suggest humans will live in a very different future if they drive animals to extinction, because the loss of each species can alter entire ecosystems.

That’s right, people. Without animals, the world will be…different.

You heard it here first.

Okay, so they only mean some animals. A species here or there. Hey, it alters ecosystems. I personally think things went into the toilet once the last Dodo went the way of the Dodo.

Before my time, sure, but admit it: things have really sucked since then.

Or…are they only talking about a few species here and there?

Some scientists have speculated that effects of humans – from hunting to climate change – are fueling another great mass extinction.

Note how we went from “findings” of a “comprehensive study” to “speculated” in the space of a single paragraph.

A few go so far as to say we are entering a new geologic epoch, leaving the 10,000-year-old Holocene Epoch behind and entering the Anthropocene Epoch, marked by major changes to global temperatures and ocean chemistry, increased sediment erosion, and changes in biology that range from altered flowering times to shifts in migration patterns of birds and mammals and potential die-offs of tiny organisms that support the entire marine food chain.

Y’know, calling it “entering the Antrhopocene Epoch” kinda makes it sound inevitable, like a simple force of nature. Like changing of the seasons. It kind of lets us polluting humans off the hook.

Off-message, dontcha think? But then, they’re scientists — experts on speculation — not marketing gurus.

You may notice: I’m not impressed. And why would I be? How many doomsday scenarios is this, now? It was the bird flu, and the swine flu. HIV. Overpopulation, resulting in mass starvation. Pollution, acid rain, the ozone layer. Trash piling up until there was noplace left to put it. Shark attacks. The zombie apocalypse. A new global ice age. Chronic Wasting Disease. Y2K. Nuclear annihilation.

Wake me for the next one, wouldja?

At any rate, if we are entering a new and frightening age of change, all I have to say is: good thing we’ve already invented guns.

Or: I, for one, welcome our new monkey overlords. Just hedging my bets.

(I’m The TrogloPundit, and I’m too busy with fantasy football to worry about this crap.)

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