A Legal Disclaimer For Your Christmas Cards

There are a lot of great gifts that you can receive this time of year, but the one thing no one wants shoved into their stocking is a lawsuit filed by an overzealous atheist or member of the ACLU! That’s why you should write out this disclaimer ,* helpfully provided by the Urban Family Council, on all of the Christmas cards you send out to make sure you’re protected…

“Legal Disclaimer: “Merry Christmas” (hereafter “The Greeting”)… this announcement is not intended to offend, alienate, foster hate or be a precursor for any egregious acts (legal or illegal), thoughts, words or deeds. “The Greeting” is made only in the context to which it may be legally received, if in fact, it is received at all. It is not intended to be nor should it be, in any way, connected to any other type of greeting, real or imagined, past, present or future. No references to any persons,things or substances, animate or inanimate, real, fictional or otherwise should be assumed by the reader or receiver of the greeting (hereafter, ‘the greetee’).

The greeting is not being made to (nor will tenders be accepted from or on behalf of) nonbelievers in ‘The Greeting’ in any jurisdiction in which making and or accepting the greeting would violate that jurisdiction’s laws or feelings (also refer to local statutes and ordinances related to’The Greeting’). In any jurisdiction in which perceived ‘greeting’ is not welcomed nor agreed upon by all ‘greetees’, then the ‘greetor’ of ‘The Greeting’ will be held harmless in this life and the next, including allissuing posterity both now and forever. ‘The Greeting’ may be made by a licensed ‘greetor’ and any liability assumed or created by the ‘greetee’ shall be the sole responsibility of said ‘greetor’.

If you have been aggrieved, offended, waylaid, parlayed, filleted or delayed in any way, either real, imagined or per- ceived by said ‘Greeting’ and or by ‘greetor’ as the result of receiving said ‘greeting’, you can call toll free 1-800- CHRISTMAS to speak with legal counsel.”

* Yes, this is a joke.

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