Advertisement: Cooper For President!

(Soothing Spring melody playing in the background) Serious voice: “Are you sick and tired of the Marxist-Islamist Alliance? Have you seen enough of Ketchup Boy to make you want to put WASABI on your cheeseburger from now on? Would you like a politician that DOESN’T have his hand out?”

— LOUD RECORD SCRATCHING — (Smackdown Announcer Voice): “Then Cooper ain’t your man! Cooper for President – The site that skewers politics and society WITH AN ATTITUDE. This ain’t your great grandfather’s website!”

(Sound of a radio being smashed to bits)

Um… Hi…. Sorry about that… I’m Michael Cooper, and that’s the LAST time I hire a Madison Avenue company to write an ad for my site. I should have known better. After all, I make fun of these types of unfunny, crap-can, cookie cutter commercials all the time. But that’s not all.

Cooper for President is one of the fastest-growing websites on the internet. Come to think of it, since I started I’ve been one of the fastest growing presidential candidates (and I really need to hit the gym). But wedon’t just skewer politics. We make fun of movies, self-important celebrities, and people who generally deserve it (like Parrotheads or people who own Segways).

The humor at Cooper for President crosses the entire spectrum. We have lowbrow, highbrow, and unibrow. John Kerry has promised 10 million new jobs and that he’ll get the U.N. to help us in Iraq? Well I promise 10 “bajillion” new jobs, and that I will get every bloodthirsty Islamist to
convert to Seventh Day Adventist by next March. Piece of cake.

See me grilled by the 9/11 Commission like I was George Foreman’s lunch. Read the Bill Moyers interview with Osama bin Laden. Learn about the origins of the Marxist-Islamist Alliance! Then get out and Rock the Boat. Or is it Rock the “Vote?” Who cares? Either way, its uber-retarded.

Michael Cooper – The OTHER Dennis Kucinich!

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