Watch out obese, corpulent, fatties, your airplane tickets are going to be more expensive. Yes, everyone is going to be paying more, but fat people, they are going be paying bigger prices to go with their bigger bodies. Well, this all might happen. Or, people might be weighed with their luggage and pay a collective price.

As if the whole process of boarding a stinky, germ-infested airborne cattle car isn’t degrading enough, you’ll be weighed like, well, a cow. And if you’re fat, like a fat cow. Now here is what I’m picturing: You schlep to the airport two hours early, you drag your luggage, you go to check in with the irritated masses, you finally get to the check-in counter. The attendant sizes your rotund body up, sizes your bulging luggage up and says: Miss, please get your lard ass on the scale with your luggage. That will be $75 extra–$2 for every extra pound over the limit.

After that humiliation, you take your paunchy rear to the security line. Barely making eye-contact, the security officer with the GED and surly attitude thinks you’re shady and says, “Miss, please stand your blond haired, blue-eyed body in front of the scanner, we are going to look at your person and check for parts of bomb-making material and we’d really like to X-ray you. Stand right here. Thank you. Hey Squid, come take a look at these….ju…, I mean bottles.” After being searched, partially disrobed and man-handled, you’ll be free to get on the plane where you will be wedged into your narrow middle seat in complete physical and psychological pain.

0

Comments are closed.