All Life’s a Stage… Especially War — Satire By Frank J.

An Ex-Marine claims the official version of the capture of Saddam was staged. You might be surprised… if you aren’t smart like me. In wars, stuff is staged or made up all the time. For example:

* The Assassination of President Lincoln: Lincoln was dead from a heroin overdose six days before he supposedly went to Ford Theater. Assassination by John Wilkes Booth was staged to turn public opinion against the political beliefs of actors.

* The Suicide of Hitler: Completely made up when Adolph Hitler wasn’t found after the invasion of Germany. Hitler later found vending peanuts at Wrigley Field.

* Raising Flag at Iwo Jima: Picture actually taken on a soundstage in Area 51.

* The Fall of Saigon: Never happened. We actually won the Vietnam War and pretended to lose it to get Commies over-confident.

* The Bombing of Nagasaki: Actually planned ahead of time. Not just done off the cuff.

* The Crusades: Not actaully looking for Holy Land; instead, it was a search for Thai hookers.

* Korean War: North Korea is democratic and South Korea is overrun with Communists. After initial error by a cartographer, the mistake was never corrected to keep up the image of government infallibility.

* The War of 1812: White House burnt down when first lady left oven on. Let Canadians claim credit because we felt so sorry for them.

* Parting of the Red Sea: There were plenty of boats for the Israelites to escape in, but Moses wanted to show off God’s awesome might again. Moses is such a wanker.

* Civil War: North never really wanted the South back, but had to pretend they did when the war got too serious.

* Hannibal Crossing the Alps: He actually hang-glided past the Alps. Elephants were sent by freight.

* Mexican-American War: Never happened. West coast stolen from Mexico while they were on siesta.

* Cola Wars: Atlanta was actually set on fire by Coca-Cola to rationalize violent air strike against Pepsi.

* Destruction of the Death Star: For final shot, Luke Skywalker was using the targeting computer.

This satire was used with the permission of Frank J. from IMAO. You can read more of his work by clicking here.

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