An Imaginary Conversation Between Karl Rove & George Bush About Another Supreme Court Opening

Karl Rove: George, I’ve got some great news…

George Bush: Lay it on me, turd blossom….

Karl Rove: Ginsburg just sent us a letter telling us that she intends to retire at the end of the year! We get to appoint another Supreme Court Justice!

George Bush: That is good news!

Karl Rove: W., I know it’s too early to make a final selection, but who are you thinking about? Janice Rogers Brown would probably excite the base. Michael Luttig would be great in confirmation hearings. Miguel Estrada might even be a good wild card pick. An immigrant and the first Hispanic nominee to the court? I like the sound of that!

George Bush: Well, Rovester, I will admit that I have a couple of candidates in mind. I think Smitty has the edge right now…

Karl Rove: Smitty?

George Bush: My yard man. He did gardening for dad, he has done gardening for me, and I’ve known him for 20 years.

Karl Rove: I, uh, I don’t know about that George. He doesn’t sound qualified to me…

George Bush: Qualifications, smalifications. I write down instructions about what I want done to my yard and he does it right, every time. Plus, I forgot to give him a Christmas Gift last year. After all those years of service, that’s kind of embarrassing. So, I thought this might make up for it..

Karl Rove: Ok, you said there was another candidate you were considering…

George Bush: Yes, Tom the barber. He has been cutting my hair for 25 years. He told me I have some of the best looking hair he has ever seen on a President, even better than Reagan’s. Well, naturally, the first thing I thought about when I heard that was: “If only we had judges this perceptive on the Supreme Court!”

Karl Rove: Mr. President…

George Bush: Uh oh, I always know something’s wrong when you start out that way…

Karl Rove: Mr. President, neither of these candidates will work. The base is already ripping us to shreds over the Miers nomination and we need to make absolutely sure our next pick will work to our benefit politically instead of hurting us.

George Bush: Then, what about Alberto (Gonzales)? He has been a judge, he’s qualified, and I’ve known him for a long time.

Karl Rove:

George Bush: What is it, turd blossom?

Karl Rove: Maybe we should consider some candidates you don’t know so well…

George Bush: No way, Karl! I got liberals attacking me, I got conservatives attacking me, and so from here on out, I’m sticking with people I know and trust.

Karl Rove: You know, I would be happy to introduce you to some new people. For example, Priscilla Owen, I hear she’s a very nice woman….

George Bush: No, Karl, absolutely not. Smitty, Tom the barber, & Alberto are the only three candidates I’m going to choose from.

Karl Rove: In that case, I’m leaning towards Smitty. Have the two of you ever talked about Roe v. Wade?

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