Annan: Suicide Bombers Deserve Prison — Satire By Scott Ott

In his first major move against world terrorism, United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan is prepared to propose that suicide bombers face lengthy jail terms, along with other sweeping reforms designed to restore the organization’s tarnished image.

“If you blow yourself up and kill innocent civilians, my plan calls for 10-to-20 years in a medium-security prison,” said Mr. Annan. “This sends a message that civilized nations have limited patience, and virtually no tolerance, for terrorism.”

Mr. Annan’s proposal is part of a broader strategy to reform the discredited world body which, under his leadership, has been rocked by sexual abuse scandals, financial scandals and the oil-for-food funding of Saddam Hussein’s military buildup, in addition to the decades-long failure of international diplomats to pay New York City parking tickets.

“We’re committed to the spread of freedom throughout the world, and when oppressed people cry out for their liberty we will stand with them,” Mr. Annan told a news conference, but then quickly issued a retraction. “Forgive me, I accidentally read from a White House news release. The preceding statement does not represent the opinion of the Secretary-General, the Security Council or any U.N. agency.”

Satire used with permission of Scott Ott from Scrappleface. You can read more of his work by clicking here.

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