Bangladesh Upsets Nigeria to Win “Most Corrupt Nation” Title By William Grim
Lagos, Nigeria – Crying foul play and accusing the judges of accepting bribes, members of the Nigerian Parliament expressed dismay today that upstart Bangladesh has upset Nigeria to win the coveted “Most Corrupt Nation” title.
“How could this be?” demanded George Bungaloo, chairman of Nigerians United for Corruption, the leading organization of Nigerian bribers, flim-flam artists, embezzlers and internet con artists. “Nigerians dominate the world of corruption. Corruption is a daily way of life for our proud country. And Nigeria is the world’s leading exporter of corruption. And it was Nigeria that first realized the immense corruption potential of the internet. When you think e-corruption you think Nigeria.”
In Bangladesh, however, the mood was openly festive as all Bangladeshi who could afford the appropriate bribes took off work early for celebratory parades that culminated in the sacking of the headquarters of the United Nations Food Relief Agency. Later in the day 86% of the country was flooded and approximately 200,000 people were drowned. But that didn’t stop the party atmosphere in Bangladesh as federal officials accepted bribes in order to restore power and water supplies.
“The Nigerians lost this year because they got lazy,” said Mohammed ibn Suliyman, CEO of Bribes Bangladesh, the national union of corrupt public officials and businessmen. “The Nigerians thought that they could automate corruption by sending out billions of emails promoting bunko and pyramid schemes. But in Bangladesh there are only four working phones in the entire country, so we have to rely on good old-fashioned grass roots corruption. It’s person-to-person cheating and flim-flamming that has gotten Bangladesh where it is today, namely, the envy of third-world kleptocracies.”
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