Behind The Scenes In Iraq With Wolf Streisand

When I see the incredibly negative & biased coverage of Iraq that we’re getting from the mainstream press, I almost have to wonder if something like this is about what’s happening behind the scenes…

CNN Reporter: Hello, I’m CNN correspondent Wolf Streisand, live on the wild streets of Baghdad where lawlessness reigns, security is non-existant, chaos is the order of the day, the situation is steadily worsening….

Camera Man: Wolf, Wolf, we’re going to have to cut & take it from the top. There’s an Iraqi policeman standing behind you in the shot. We’ll have to wait for him to move if…

CNN Reporter: Let’s just do this later. I want to do some man on the street interviews anyway.

Camera Man: Ok, just ask anybody, how about that guy…

CNN Reporter: Excuse me sir, what do you think about the American occupiers?

Iraqi Man #1: Me? Am I going to be on television? Oh, thank God for America and Bush! Saddam’s men tortured me and…

CNN Reporter: Ok, Ok, thank you very much, move along. You sir, what do you think of American occupiers? Has it been rough since Saddam fell?

Iraqi Man #2: Saddam? I can’t wait until they get Saddam! I don’t care what anyone else says, Americans must stay and help the Iraqi people and…

CNN Reporter: Thank you very much sir, move along.

Camera Man: Are we using any of this?

CNN Reporter: No, of course not. You, sir, how has the American occupation going in your opinion?

Iraqi Man #3: The power has been off too much and there are American troops everywhere! They should get out of Iraq! Iraq is for Iraqis!

CNN Reporter: Thank you for your time sir. Keep that, that’s good footage!

Iraqi Man #1: Hey, excuse me, but that man you were just talking to was a member of the Baath party and he…

CNN Reporter: Yes, yes, your country’s internal politics are very interesting to us, thank you for your concern.

Iraqi Man #1: Yes, but…

CNN Reporter: Security! Security! I feel threatened! Get him away from me! (Security hustles the man away). Now see, this is why I usually just interview whoever happens to be standing in front of the hotel. This is a dangerous country!

Camera Man: Uh….

CNN Reporter: Ok, we need to do an update on the lack of progress in Iraq, ya know, talk about the constantly worsening security situation, native unrest, that sort of thing…

Camera Man: We’ve been saying the situation is “constantly worsening” since about 5 minutes after they pulled down that statue of Saddam. I mean we’d practically have to see alien mantis people walking down the street, kicking in doors, pulling out small children, and eating them in the street for things to have been “constantly worsening” for that long…

CNN Reporter: Hey, hey, you let me worry about that. That’s why I write the copy and you just shoot the pictures. Let’s hurry up and get this done. I don’t like the looks of those kids over there….

Camera Man: They’re little girls, they’ve been trying to give us flowers for half an hour. Just listen to them….

Little Girls: Bush Good! Bush Good! Thank you America!

CNN Reporter: Ugh, they’re giving me the creeps. I mean “Bush Good”! Come on, who actually says that?

Camera Man: I’ve heard it about 50 times since we got back into Iraq last week…

CNN Reporter: Yeah right! It sounds like an Al-Qaeda trap to me! Security, get rid of the Iraqi girls!

Security: Let me see if I understand this, you want me to run off a bunch of little girls who want to give you flowers? You are — let’s see, what is the American word for it — a “[email protected]”! I quit! I’m leaving (walks away)

CNN Reporter: You see how hostile the Iraqis are to Americans? Hey, hey wait a second, our security is gone, run, run, back to the hotel!

Camera Man: Sigh, we’re only about 50 yards from the door you know…

CNN Reporter: Quickly, before the little girls get us! Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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